Parenting Baby to Sleep

Sleepless parents it is ok to go to bed!

2012-01-21T14:11:00.000-08:00

It is ok to go to bed and go to sleep! This might sound strange but wow when I look back...I did not do this!

How many of us have tried to carry on our lives just as we were before we became parents. Enough time to read, eat, party - socialize, drink, day dream, talk and sleep as you wanted to.

Then along comes BABY and we've all heard how they just have to slot into our lives.

Yes they do have to slot into our lives...but have we really looked at our lives? How much Humans have changed in even only 100 years. I was trying to explain to my daughter the other day that my Nana (who still drives to our house every day to play with my children) grew up in a time that they did not have electric lights in their house.

"But how did they see?" she asked

"They used the sun" she looked confused and I explained "They woke up when the sun came up and went to bed when the sun went down".

In starting my journey into home education my daughter has looked into dinosaurs (oh goodness ;-)) but it really brings home how long we humans have been around on earth. How long our bodies have been learning and passing on requirements/needs to survive.

In example:

As a caveman family lived in small groups (5-25)...in a cave. With no modern clothing, no modern furniture, no separate rooms...and large predators about. A baby basically had to be attached to another caring human to be kept warm and safe. Our mother bodies have been developed for this over the time that humans have existed to the point that we need to breastfeed our children OFTEN and our children expect this attention...to be held constantly and have milk on demand.

Our bodies have developed in a way that we need sleep and it is better to get it early as often children sleep well in the first part of the night and then not so in the latter part...they start to wake up as the morning is cool.

So yes...we as modern parents need to look at this. I know you've not seen you partner all day and yes you used to stay up and watch movies all night..but if you not getting the right amount of sleep...then things are not good.

When we had our first child we kept on...and I got REALLY tired. We tried to make her do things that she really didn't want to do like feed to a schedule, sleep to a schedule and alone. Once we read the Sears and Elizabeth Pantley things started to fall into place. I read more. The continuum concept.

With our second child...I went to bed. Things where so much easier. I expected him to wake OFTEN. I feed him OFTEN.

But because I went to bed with the kids...I did not go insane. I was tired but life was still worth living.

Please if your tired get some help and go to bed. And do this as much as you can because you need to keep you bank full of sleep...one night is probably not enough.

If your stressed try meditation, white noise, Jon Kabat Zinn, Alice Miller...sort out your feelings...don't pass them onto your children.

Information in line with parenting baby to sleep

2011-12-14T22:27:00.001-08:00

http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out

History

2011-11-17T22:59:00.001-08:00

I was talking with Dave last night about history...we've been watching "Hitlers children"...I know I find links everywhere but scary stuff when you look at how the system is set up.

Anyway
History I love! Can't get enough. Love to read, watch it, listen to it, touch it (if we can). I was wondering why we don't have it in our schools...we do sort of.
It's so important...we don't want to repeat the same mistakes we need to learn from the past. So many reasons why.

I did social studies in 3rd and 4th form. We didn't look greatly into history. Then for the rest of school nothing.
Hey that's why I love it.

We'll look into history but keep it fun

History and treatment of children

2011-11-17T00:29:00.001-08:00

This has been a great part of this blog...looking at history why we do the things we do.
So many people believe "we have always treated children this way" smacked, left to cry out, shame and use force and fear.

We've just watched a documentary on "hitlers children" it's a free view. Together with Alice miller, Gordon newfield and many other books I've been reading...I can really see the connections.

Pretty scary!!!

Gordon's book really highlights the peer orientation and now it's really unhealthy... I can see the start and importance in the documentary

Wow so much to talk about but really need to sleep.

Sandra Dodd -sleep and child care

2011-11-16T16:42:00.001-08:00

For some people the idea that children should be respected is ok but only when the children respect them.

I'm learning and not perfect and never will be...but once I started to become aware of children and the way we treat them as sub humans with little understanding of their limits in their understanding. It all really began to fall into place.

I've read the continuum concept and have had many people who have only read that book put it down.
It's not dealing with modern life.
It's writer had no children
The writer was a diamond hunter

Oh and on

In my new journey into home education I have begun again reading everything I can lay my hands on. The following web site is great...for me kind of like the Sears.
http://www.sandradodd.com/unschooling

Sandra covers so many aspects of life with children (yes she has three if her own).
I love the parts about sleep. Help your children to sleep with love...not fear.
All learning is best done in a fear free environment.

One of the new areas I'm looking at at the moment is food. How we clock food or milk. And also the amount "that's enough" or "one more and no more"

I've started using some of Sandra's ideas with my miss 5.5. She has free access to the pantry. She knows it's there so often does not want a chocolate biscuit when her brother has one.
I put out a bowl of chips for afternoon tea...and she added to that a banana and some nuts.

Sandra does not believe about sugar highs...it's more the excitement of getting the lolly.
She also does not believe in colour issues either...with that one on experimentation I will have to say uh uh.
We used to have the little red sausages at playcentre often and the kids would go nuts. My daughter came to me one day and asked for the skin off (remove the red) and well surprise no more silly ... Her friends followed that idea and now we no longer have silly kids going mad.

Sigh...I've just started this post really but must go hush hour is up and chickens need help

Sleeping children

2011-11-12T23:07:00.001-08:00

I can not believe where we are today. It's like our beginning was so long ago and there are no issues now. What was the issue?

I can smile now.

But man I still get really angry or maybe I should say something different now as I've grown so much...say that I am still really concerned about children and sleep.

At the moment I am reading Sandra Dodd...just google her (I'm learning how to mobile blog sorry no links yet). But she talks about unschooling...might be a bit much for some who cry it out but wow good stuff.

Also I'm still very into John kabit Zinn. But will blog more later about him.

Good to see you all.
Take a good breather life is short.

Falling into Zen

2011-08-01T01:18:00.000-07:00

Its been a while. I still think about this blog often and think what an amazing journey I have taken. So much to learn.

Homeschooling has been wonderful so far. Growth for all parts of the family.

I look back from where I came from and think what a ball of anxiety and stress I was...I'm not saying I'm totally wonderful now... but I'm certainly a lot better.

I am still parenting my children to sleep.

I am still feeding my 2 year old son..."Mumma milk".

I am learning to listen still...I feel I am getting better and better...but still go a long way to go.

My Home School Blog

2010-10-09T18:30:00.000-07:00

I have hummm and haaaaaa about this but what the hey.

It seems such a natural connection.... the next step.

We still have a lot to say on Parenting Baby to Sleep....

But now we have another path to walk too....Unschooled come visit

Natural sleep lost in todays sleep training

2010-09-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

I feel that I've been trying to say this for years.

My first touch on this was an article on "first and second sleep" and now this TED talk also short touches on it again.

We are pushing ourselves and our children to do something which is just not natural when we used sleep training.

After having Hamish for about 6 months I did sleep as Jessa said. I went to sleep with my children and woke up about 1am I feed Hamish (again ;-)) and then lay awake for a little while depending on how tired I was.

I listened to Jon Kabat Zinn a lot.

AND

I felt the best I have in my life.

Dave and I have been feeling a little tired and run down as of late so maybe this talk has come at the right time so start sleeping a bit more.

The Hero of my hour

2010-08-18T15:30:00.001-07:00

Ara my daughter.

I'm in deep over my head with filling my children's needs and leaving my own. I've been saying "yup I'll get to it when they are well" but never seem to get round to it.

I've had my melt down and now its time to get better.

I've had a bit self talk this morning while in the rocking chair about unconditional love. There is no levels/limits/time slots there is just filling another's need.....BUT also finding ways to fill your own - and here is the issue - AT THE SAME TIME.

For every time we put limits on our love the need is never meet and just grows into something more....so its best to get it sooner rather than snow balling.

Its about letting go

Its about the Non doing

Its about living in the moment

Its about love

Thank you Ara for showing me yet again.

Milk him off to sleep Mum

2010-07-23T23:19:00.001-07:00

This is one of Ara's little sayings which I think is very cute. And that is how we used to do it...but now my little boy is getting older and no longer needs to be 'milked off to sleep'.

I miss my little snuggles and the little flutter of his eyes as he slowly falls a sleep in my arms.

Now he's all grown up...the big one and a little. He has a milk then he has a talk a wiggle and a giggle and then he falls asleep.

I feel sad...but live each moment...this is the last one our little baby.

My little boys first word...Lawnmower

Why be Attachment Parents?

2010-06-11T23:09:00.000-07:00

I have often wondered how I can write to explain that what we do as Attachment Parents is all interlinked. Breastfeeding with health, discipline, use of the earths materials...and I'm sure many many more. Parenting baby to sleep linked with health, empathy which is linked to team work and care for the planet. Respect, compassion, empathy, education (and often its the home education not the school) is so important...to bring about HEALTHY people and a HEALTHY planet.

We do not want Independence people we want Interdependent people which means people who give a dam. Everything we do has an affect on someone or something.

The way we treat out children is the way they treat others, you and themselves...the way they treat the planet.

This Home on youtube is really amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqxENMKaeCU

Hamish walking in the rain

2010-05-31T00:57:00.000-07:00

What a joy to hear the rain falling on the roof. To be stuck in doors is really difficult for both Ara and Hamish who have had MONTHS of no rain.

But its started to fall.

Both were so excited with the first few showers that they had to run around in it....and this is when Hamish started to do his stuff.

We've had the commando crawl, the normal crawl, the bum shuffle and the crab crawl...now its the side step and shuffle but fast becoming the...."wait for me".

With all this new learning and some new changes we've had very patchy sleep. We've had about 4 months of nonstop sickness...and now I'm VERY tired.

But we've got rain...I can wash my children their clothes and give them a glass of water.

We'll be starting the veggie garden soon...but might be too cold as winter is all but here.

Please send rain!

2010-05-06T23:45:00.000-07:00

Nothing like calming your children down with a nice bath...part of our bedtime routine.

I know many peoples round the world do not want rain as they have too much....but we don't have enough.

I can not remember the last time it rain enough for us to get some water. Our water in the tank is green and stinks REALLY bad.

I've written a few posts on us having tummy troubles because of our water...I've a 20l tank on the bench now which is great for our emergency kit but I didn't think we'd be living out of it full time.

Its a really downer for the spirits not having any rain....no veggies in the garden, trees are dying, ponds are dry, ground is really cracked.

I use cloth nappies...but have had to move into disposables because we don't have any water to wash...I should of done no nappies I know. Felt like a real dilly bird standing there in the super market in front of the nappies and had to ask a passing Mother which pack I should buy for Hamish...THANK you dear lady for your help and finding me again in the store with more packs of the right size.

Our clothes stink and they are going grey.

So please send us some rain.

Moonwalking on walls

2010-05-05T18:40:00.000-07:00

Thanks Abigail Badillo for the lead up to this post

Oh the days of waiting for Ara to go to sleep....before I stumbled onto Jon Kabit-Zinn.

I would start out in peace then slowly my teeth would start to gnash...which of course was totally not cool for getting anyone off to sleep.

Last night wow We've come such a long way!

Hamish started to feed off to sleep....but he's not really all that keen anymore...so he had his fill then rolled over and rubbed Dave's pillow (like ruffing up the cat big time) then fell off to sleep.

By which time Ara had had her story with Dave and was pounding down the hall way...flying leap into bed...."Ara watch out PLEASE!" for the hundredth time as she jumps on my feet.

Dave fumbles round to pack his bag for work then leaves us in darkness.

"Hugs Mum" Ara wriggles into my arms to warm up then after about a minute gets up into her own bed. I go and give her some hugs then rub her back for few seconds....hold her hand...her breathing slows....she's out for the count.

Not joking she only takes about 5-10mins at the moment.

I sit there and listen to my children sleep for another 10mins...just totally happy then go join Dave for the evening.

How do I do it on my own?

When Hamish was little I used to feed him off to sleep while I read to Ara at the same time...this lasted really well until Hamish was about 7-8 months old.

Then I used to ask Ara to wait until Hamish was asleep just look through her books quietly...but 9 out of 10 she would fall asleep before I got to read to her...so that was not good for our time.

So I set up a little sort movie or something of the like for 15 minutes. Then its our time.

You find a way.

Desperatly trying Co-sleeping in the hope of sleep

2010-04-26T17:02:00.000-07:00

This seems really odd to me. We are four years down the track...wow what a ride.

I'm now hearing little whispers around me of people/parents with 4 year olds and older still dreaming of sleep.

I keep thinking 'Yup that could be us' but its not at the moment.

The amount of rubbish I got for wanting to and going a head with co-sleeping is just ridiculous, saddening and very stressful. But thanks to the Sears wonderful web site and books we did and stuck too it. And thanks to Elizabeth Pantley for her wonderful book I understand how to work with tired babies and tired me.

I know everyone is different and we all do and learn at different times.

The whispers I here are

"Oh it didn't work as the kids got older...it got harder to use the routines"

"So frightened of the dark and sleeping in their room"

"I find them playing with the lights on"

"Still screams all night...at this age"

"I have to hold the door shut....but I can't do that all night"

I now hear that kids are in the family bed and sleep is being had because they are co-sleeping...I suppose we all do it at some time...maybe thats what people say "Oh you'll never get them out of your bed"...cause they have to make up for the time they didn't have?

I think it's pretty cool that it is happening...you can build a connection.

As for our children...well Hamish can scream in Ara's ear in the middle of the night now and she will not budge....last night he threw up all over the place and I slept in the lounge holding a nappy under his chin and Ara didn't come down to find me until morning.

Every child is different.

The Body Never Lies - By Alice Miller

2010-04-07T18:39:00.000-07:00

I read this book before my second child was born.

Before I discovered meditation and many other things.

I did not like this book.

I felt that Alice was taking too much of a personal stand or view point.

Alice often quotes the "Fourth Commandment" Honor your Father and Mother.

I'm not a Christan or religious person (I feel I'm spiritual) so for me this is the first I'd really looked at it.

In this book Alice looks at when the parents do not honor the child and are very abusive in many different ways.

For me I don't feel that its religious or some 'law' which has been thought up.

But more deep.

Its a need to feel love from someone who should love you more than anything else in the world.

I think its a primal thing, in built.

This book is going to be revisited again by me and looked at from a more calm point of view.

I feel I might get more out of it the second time round.

Sorting out the past

2010-04-05T14:36:00.000-07:00

This is what I'm doing at the moment.

For ages I knew that the past was making it hard for me as a parent.

But then once I found Jon Kabit-Zinn I started to make some way forward.

And now I laugh because its what I'm doing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNNT7loaQAo

Would of been nice to find it sooner but hey...I've found it now.

Man its a lot to sort...my brain has a very messy filing system...but now I feel like I've got some good labels.... boxes...rooms ;-)

Its not about making excuses or putting down the past, or dwelling in the past.

Its about listening to your feelings, watching your reactions, catching your self if you able before you break the connection (Connection Parenting by Pam Leo).

And it is liberating and life changing and calming

But its still a lot of work and it does take time

But our children are worth the hard work.

Fighting the cough

2010-03-28T15:47:00.000-07:00

I am so up to here with it!!!

This cough has been SOOOO horrible.

Ara started with it...to Dave....to Me and now Hamish.

We've still all got it.

We've never had any thing like this.

I can't lay down I rattle.

Ara sounds like she drowning some times.

There is no where in our house far enough away from each other.

I've been sleeping in the rocking chair with Hamish beside me in the hammock.

Dave's moved into Ara's room and when Ara wakes up she moves in with Dave.

So the CAT has the full Super King bed all to him self.

I'm here...but I'm foggy

Taking your time with your children

2010-03-20T14:18:00.000-07:00

My impatientness is legendary.

Things have to be done...NOW....and to a 'recipe' or style that I can see in my mind.

We have to hurry

I stress

I get angry

I pass this on to my family.

This is a learned problem which I've only just begun to realize.

This has been a big hurdle to get over in the travels of Parenting Baby to Sleep....and it is one that must be gotten over with breathing room to spare.

We live in the time of the 'doing' as Jon Kabit-Zinn often refers to.

We never stop and take a moment to breath.

We must rush on do the next job and not even take pleasure in the moment that you are really in right now.

Even our mind is rushing from one thing to another...never still...never silent.

Taking note of your breath sounds so simple...but so challenging and rewarding all in one.

As I am slowly learning to take note - to live in the moment - to be mindful - to be calm...and things are becoming easy.

As a small toddler getting Ara off to sleep was #*%^&^&#&% BEEEEEEEEEEEppppp and all words in between.... because I had to rush on.

I had to do

I had to have "my time"

Why was she taking so long

Oh anger

Oh frustration

Oh the tangle of feelings and emotions

Now I am learning to...take that moment.

Greet each time as the first time.

Hamish lays down...he shuts his eyes...they open...he sits up...he smiles...he asks to nurse again...he snuggles...he rolls away...he pats Dadda's pillow...he swings his leg around in the air...he shuts his eyes.....his arms are out....he mumbles...he rolls over...his foot reaches out to touch me.

All this takes time and might repeat again and again depending on the day we have had, how tired we are, how he's feeling, are there noises around.

Where I used to growl at Ara (and sometimes Hamish...yes its a learning process for me) I now breath and take each time as new or as the last time that it may ever happen.

The last time...yes I get sad some times...as now when Hamish is asleep and Ara comes into bed, we have some quick hugs and she crawls over into her own space snuggles down and goes off to sleep.

That time of 'moon walking on the walls' and driving me MAD has gone she has grown....and I missed the good moments.

Now with me learning a new calmness I'm learning not to miss out on the next stages.

Children the ultimate in mediation

2010-03-18T18:19:00.000-07:00

With my first child I started to learn Attachment Parenting.

With my second child I've started to learn Mediation.

Learning to just focus on my breath...moment by moment by moment.

As a Mother I don't feel I get much time to myself and to find time to sit and meditate is almost impossible unless I make the moments.

Breastfeeding a nearly sleepy child
Waiting for a 10 month old to slowly release his energy romping round on the bed...and then fall asleep.
Sitting with my 'Big Girl' nearly 4 listening to audio story's (that I've heard so many times before).
Waking at 1am as the dog next door barks at a possum up the tree...or was that 2am...no no it was 3...4....5am ok all dam night!
Cooking
Driving
Putting the washing out
Garden rambles

Some days I need more as I get stressed out and have to call on Dave to give me a little more time...while he feeds the children breakfast or gives them a bath.

Some days like the past few weeks...I just have to make do and realize that things will come back to rights once I cut back on trying to do too much.

Baby hammock How do I get him in?

2010-03-07T13:16:00.000-08:00

Baby hammock ... Well I was very unsure at first.

Hamish used to sleep in the sling on me and I would just carry on my day.

I've tried to get him into this since he was born.

(Mum brought me the Hammock...so I felt I should try).

But each time I put Hamish into it (once he was asleep) he would throw his arms out in fright and wake up.

So it was a no go.

I tried to rock him from being sleepy to sleep.

No go...nearly but...no.

Finally Hamish wanted to stretch out at about 7 months and started not liking sleeping in the sling all the time.

So I worked on getting him into the hammock.

My final findings

Rock and milk till fast asleep (about 10-15mins) then to put my head in with him in the hammock...saying "shhhhh".

Hand holding him round the shoulders and under the bum.

Ease out the shoulder hand as I bounce up and down...then ease out the bum hand...Bounce!!!

Asleep!

Hey it works...took about two-three days.

Up Date

Mum brought the Hammock from www.little-snuggles.co.nz

I've found this hammock really great when working with the "No Cry Sleep Solution" and helping a baby learn to go through their sleep cycles. After the first day or so just a little bounce as the baby begins to come up out of REM will help them go back down if they need more sleep.

Ergo Baby Carrier

2010-03-07T12:38:00.000-08:00

Why oh why did I wait so long for the ERGO?

The cost!

But its amazing now we have one!

A few months ago I did blog about the need for a pack and many of you did help me a lot...

THANK YOU!

I worked my way through many web sites and many comparing tables...and in the end gave up. The cost of getting a structured baby carrier to New Zealand was just toooooo much!

I was very disappointed.

I've used wraps. Home made Mei Tai's (and all the other types of the Tai) but I just needed something like the sling...to pop on quickly and for both Hamish and myself to be comfortable.

Just before my Grandpa died he tried to get me again to get a carrier and said he would pay for half. It still is too much money and I kept on saying I'd not use it for long.

Now with Hamish and his teeth coming through he's not settled and needs lots of hugs...but so does Ara.

I bit down and just made the choice...this was for all four of us not just me.

I looked on Trade me....all new and all very costly. I started to bid on one second hand...but as a Mother how can I sit on an auction running for days.

I looked everywhere on line to buy...I even tried Amazon...they don't post to NZ.

I settled on an Ergo because of the big name and it could possible get to NZ and if I had a problem I could get some help.

Web site after web site

It was hard work.

Luckily Belly Beyond had them in Stock and I had one in three days...WOW.

Dave and I are still saying WOW

Our whole family is very outdoors orientated.

That night after our Ergo had arrived we all went for a jog...it was SOoooooo much fun. We've been through the bush. I've taken Ara and Hamish caving...and next week...well Waterfalls and forest walks...all while Hamish is asleep on snug.

I personally am much more comfortable with a soft structured carrier and only two clips. I was so over wraps (I'm sorry for the ones who love them...they just don't work for us).

I can even put Ara in this...'But I'm a big girl' ;-)

Dave has even taken to feeding Hamish in it as he's so calm. Dave love's it cause its simple.

Ara asks could I put Hamish in the pack so she can have more Mummy time.

Hamish sits on his bottom and jumps up and down I pick him up...he complains...I put him down he complains...I put him in the carrier...then he angles his body to say "right lets go".

I love it...cooking, cleaning, walking, shopping, jogging, sleeping (they baby not me), playcentre... all with our little man.

It is funny while I was looking I found the

Breeze Baby Sling

A sling my Mother was trying to find for us before Hamish was born...good for hot weather

Nightmares for Mum

2010-03-06T21:54:00.000-08:00

I never realized how much I worried until today.

We have a dog living next to us.

She looks lovely but she's got a streak in her which is just not nice.

We've kind of fobbed off a few things like; her barking all the time, growing at us, sneaking onto our property (even killing one of the turkeys), chasing the cars, chasing our cat.

My parents and Dave built a lovely fence around our front lawn (for some that might be hard to imagine not having one but when you live in a paddock miles away you don't feel you need one). Hamish is starting to explore his space...so I have been worried he would go a long way while my back might be turned for a few minutes. This was also because of the dog.

But the other day I was out putting the washing on the line. Hamish and our cat where playing at my feet and the dog was going nuts barking looking up at us from our road front. It made me feel very unsafe. Then both Dave and myself have checked (separate times) the letter box with Hamish in the pack and the dog has gone nuts barking and growing....at Hamish.

My poor little man is terrified.

Since this has happened Hamish has been squealing with terror in the night some times and I wonder if this is because of his encounters with the dog.

I had a terrible dream myself of trying to keep both my children up and away from this dog...and on waking in the morning said to Dave I'd had enough.

We visited our neighbor. A very lovely man. He said he would find his dog a new home.

I felt terrible.

On our way home I was almost in tears. I was shaking. I did not realize how much this dog had affected me and the relief is amazing.

Trying out "Sleep Talking"

2010-03-05T18:55:00.001-08:00

We're over our tummy bugs.

We've had a little rain...not much but we'll get through...with a little more rain.

I've come across this web site after following some links

While Children Sleep

Ara is having a bit of a difficult time at the moment and her highneeds seem to be on HIGH... and I'm...I'm not super Mummy!!!

We have a very full week.

Monday swimming lessons with Nanma and Nana (no Mummy and Hamish)

Tuesday a friend comes up and we clean like mad.

Wednesday music

Thursday playcentre

Friday playcentre

Weekend often we do shopping or markets (but we are trying to cut back)

During all this Hamish is trying to get through some teeth...poor little guy he doesn't know if he's up down happy sad hungry or what. So I've been wearing him a lot more than normal which seems to keep the peace with all.

But Ara does not understand why he's so cranky.

(Oh it is very cute they both play on the slide almost all day...I've put the slide inside going down the stairs so Hamish can take a turn)

A few of Ara's little friends are now heading off to school. She seems to take this in silence...then change the subject...which most of her little friends find upsetting (as you would).

I've showed her where this 'school place' is and we've even visited.

I was informed yesterday she did not want to go to school but do school work with Mummy and Hamish.

Under all this Ara seems board as well as unsure of her place in family life. She's booted the afternoon nap and we have worked out a rest time instead. She is pushing the limits as all learning children must and sadly I'm getting angry a few to many times.

To add to the mix the monthly curse arrived full of PMS/T...so the whole family coped it.

I'm going to try this sleep talking - as last night after Ara got up to go to the loo (no tears or night terrors thank goodness) - I lay down beside her and told her how much I loved her.

I told her she was my daughter and that will never change.

I told her that Mummy will love her for the rest of our lives no matter what.

For a start she seemed so much calmer for days and more receptive to people.

So what is a little bit more talking eh...I wake up to feed Hamish (well sort of) I might as well wake right up and talk to my little girl and see how it goes.

But also I'll be looking at ways to calm our week down and calm me down.

Listen and you will hear

2010-02-13T11:56:00.000-08:00

Ara did not want to go to playcentre on Friday.

At first I dug in my suborn "social mode" parenting style heals and tired to encourage her and convince her that she would enjoy herself.

But her equally strong "Highneeds" nature came through. And finally I listened.

Would it really matter if we did not go?

No.

I went with the flow. I took what ever came to us and used it as an outing. We visited a lady on our road with lots of free range chickens. Very unlike me to turn up on some ones door step and say "hi we see you've got chickens....can we have a closer look?".

Ara and Hamish loved it.

I've been worried about food.

Both my children have been off their food. I've been trying all sorts of healthy yummy meals...even down to beans and chips.

All rejected.

Ara is loosing weight.

The heat here has been extreme this summer and we are all tired and ratty.

Ara's been needing so much attention that I've been irate and doubting myself again.

Why?

Silly every time things start to go pear shaped I worry it's my way of parenting.

So selfish instead of really looking and listening.

Friday night both kids are climbing the walls and i'm even more pee'd off and just want to be rid of them.

My inner self kept saying LISTEN.

I sat in the rocking chair and hugged and rocked both children.

An arms shortage!!!

I couldn't do anything right

Tears jealousy the works

I put Hamish in the sling and Ara on my hip and slowly walked kissing and hugging.

I figured they must be tired.

We ate early...the kids just moved food around their plates..well Hamish just feed the cat.

Bath and bed.

9pm Ara was sick

?Why?

I run through what we've eaten...we've all had the same and I feel fine..don't I?

We get through the night...some how.

Morning

Hamish has a cold

Dave is not well now and Ara just clings to us.

Now I remember last summer a man coming to talk to the parents at playcrentre and warning us in hot dry summers the water is low and probably undrinkable.

Children have been hospitalized.

We've had no rain for months.

We've had to cut out our water usage....but I still did not think.

We have a filter....but....

I've been feeding and giving my poor family unsafe water, the filter is just not doing its job (or maybe it is but the water is so bad).

We are boiling water now.

Still feel sick, but not getting sicker.

Watching the kids like a hawk to make sure they are not getting water from the tap.

Silly Mummy but lesson learnt!

Life is so precious

2010-02-01T11:40:00.000-08:00

I've watched "Touching the Void" the documentary movie of amazing human abilities.

I've listened to the news hearing of survivors from the latest natural disaster in Haiti.

We've lost friends from accidents who have left loved ones -wife and children - behind.

I've heard from friends who nearly lost their child while playing an innocent running ball game.

We've had friends who have been so sick that either of their little family could of died.

You never know what life might give you.

If you died tomorrow...how would you want your loved ones to remember you?

For me I know I spend a lot of time with my family and my children...but I'm starting to really look at how I act, what I say, how I treat them...do I respect them?

Does my voice have love in it while talking to them?

When they cry...I really listen.

When they talk...I really focus on them.

I am really learning to see things as they might see them...as a 3.5 year old or an 8 month old might.

How would you be?

False Empathy - kids can see through it

2009-12-20T15:37:00.000-08:00

"Oh my poor love...real tears" as Mummy picks baby up from crying in its cot after cry it out.

"Were you scared...oh my poor baby" after Mummy gets baby from the car which it had been sleeping in and woke up alone...then screamed.

My personal one that I'm working on is "I'm sorry Mummy got angry"

I am sorry...but do I stop?

This is something I am really working on a lot at the moment. I've been using meditation to try and get through the real MAD feeling...it works some times...but I've only just started to understand mediation.

Why do we keep doing these things when we can see they hurt our children?

For many we don't know any better...or we do not have the skills to use or the knowledge that false empathy really is...just false.

It carry's on through life too.

When you do not feel something like regret, sadness or forgiveness yet you say the words "I'm...." then the what ever the words that are really needed to be heard just like you probably heard while growing up it...it really is hollow feeling a nothingness.

AND kids can see through it...they can see into your eyes as some say into your heart, which is why we do not often make eye contact.

So we need to say the truth.

We need to work at ourselves to stop putting ourselves in positions that we are using false feelings or words.

We do need to apologizes...but not too much... its not an excuse or a clean swipe of the slate.

When we do need to say empathic words eye contact ans total attention...and if appropriate body contact.

Then our children will feel our heart felt words.

Hard work

Helping children off to sleep

2009-12-19T18:13:00.000-08:00

Our task as a parent does not stop once our children are sleeping through the night.

It keeps on going.

We have colds, tummy problems, fears, excitements and worry's...none of these are very relaxing.

This is one of the keys to sleep is teaching children how to relax.

Sleep is best when you are relaxed...we get the most out of it and our body does too.

Many sleep training ideas for children involve crying which is NOT very restful or relaxing which is why now we are experiencing many people with stress in their lives...along with fear, anxiety and also in adult life inability to sleep. Check out Jon Kabat-Zinn to destress your life

So while sleep training for the infant or child might be good for the parent in the short term it is not good in the long term for the adult the child is growing into.

We are our selves growing with our children. And have moved into the next stage of sleep and parenting to sleep.

I am in the middle of collating audio books and sleep music. Many people who use sleep training suggest that these are 'bad' crutches to use and a child become reliant on them to fall asleep.

But what is really happening is a child is learning how to relax.

These are not used every night...just like an adult does not read every night or watch a movie every night.

But in the times of old where we are all sitting round a camp fire has been replaced by audio books and music from our ipods or portable cd players.

We should be aware that TV's in the bedroom are NOT a good idea as these are a) not vetted by an adult and b) require more interaction with the brain than just a voice.

So Children's Audio books Audio Owl and a suggestion of Liquid Mind or meditainment

Baby led weaning - yer right!

2009-12-15T11:50:00.000-08:00

Ha ha ha

My lovely calm 6 month old son goes nuts in my arms and struggles to get down.

I put him down.

He scrabbles across the floor to his big sister.

Hamish grabs at her clothes... climbs up Ara's legs to reach her hand...grabs the apple she just moments before walked by eating...and Hamish stuffs it in his mouth.

I get the picture

My son is hungry

I am not saying that I have not been watch my son for cues...but this took me by surprise.

Ara was not really keen on food until she was at lest 1....and even then...it was hard work.

Hamish did not show interest...just one morning I think it might of clicked for him.

Now there is no stopping.

Ara sits admiring her Ginger snap biscuit (I don't often buy sweet biscuit's we were just running out of time before playcentre)....and swipe its gone from her hand and before I can say anything stuffed in Hamish's mouth...so much for no sweets until 1.

Crackers, Popcorn...oh my goodness....and he went over and begged a chip off of Nana the other day....all my 'rules' flying out the window.

Fruit....I've been practicing mindfulness and the pure enjoyment of holding my baby and watching his first experience of a fresh season plum. The eyes..the rolling of the texture...the tongue...the little hands grabbing for more...the savoring. He's really teaching me a thing or three. Apricots....oh if only I could give him as many as he wanted....and we having not even got to peaches yet.

Mumma's home made Chinese chicken fried rice...gone.

I'd been over at Spain Dad reading about the state of their house with two children...and the stretch we must all make to work around a new person.

I laughed a felt we are just the same.

I'm constantly picking up wiping...wishing to have a few moments to close my mind off just for my self.

With the loss of Grandpa and the added load for a few weeks...we slipped.

So here my children were gathered round their little 'kids' table sharing a bun which Ara had got for herself...put butter on...now eating and CRUMBS EVERYWHERE!!!! A banana grabbed from the fruit bowl...along with a few baby tomatoes from the bottom of the fridge....and my baby sugar snap peas...(which by the way you do NOT pull out of Hamish's mouth unless you are in for an ear piercing scream)...all self gathered...oh rolling my eyes

Next they will start growling.

;-)

Education or over stimulation

2009-12-14T15:57:00.001-08:00

Children's Brain Development... I suppose this is really what my blog has become...all about the brain.

I have been looking through the net as of late on over stimulating a child.

Can this happen...and how can we do it?

My concern at the moment is the class room.

We seem so anxious to sell education. Our class rooms are bulging with things/stuff each jostling for attention and trying to grab our children as they rush on by in their lives.

After reading John Holts book "How children fail" and thinking of my own childhood while also observing my own children...they really do not need to much...they WANT to learn...its just us that seems to get in their way. Fear of learning is taught by the adult....but this is another whole post which is still forming in my mind.

So...Do we need the wild advertising boards displaying/dangling art work from wall to wall, posters; filled with poems, need to know words, songs to remind/teach, labels to learn objects, science corners, music corners, blocks and cars....all and more shouting in our class rooms to get our children to learn and take notice.

I have watched my own child...rush into the class room look bewilderedly about then ask to go outside and play on the swing. Yes she likes swings...but she also likes painting and play-dough work too. It is like its too much to take in so she just doesn't want to.

Not only is this too much to take in, its hard to keep clean and look tidy....and is real life like this? Do we want it to be like this?

This needs more investigation...I leave you with my first link

The loss of an Attachment Grandparent

2009-12-10T11:54:00.001-08:00

My Father and I talked...a lot....but we both feel that Grandpa was a "Positive Parent" and an "Attachment Grandparent".

He loved with all of his heart and every inch of his life. As I said at his funeral I am so lucky to have an "Action Hero" for my Grandfather and if I can do half the things he did in his life in mine then I'm doing alright.

I do have a lot I want to do and it's nothing like a major life changing experience like the death of someone so loved and close to really make you look at your own life.

Some people say they find it hard to explain death to their children. We've always had a truth is better than a tangled story way of speaking with our children. And so far it seems to be working.

Ara wanted to say some words at the funeral (Which was very Bahai like even though Grandpa was never a Bahai). She felt if all her family could speak then so should she. She stood up took Dave's hand and went and stood in front of the coffin and yelled/said "Poppa...Thank you for being my Poppa"...all her own doing.

So in my daughters words

Thank you Grandpa for being my Grandpa.

We need our men

2009-12-02T11:32:00.000-08:00

We need our men

To spent all night comforting with love when they are not well

To glow as they learn

To feel amazed when they smile

To be there for the firsts

We need our men

To be there even if it is to take the plate we want to throw at them after the 'worst' week of 'life'

To come through the door with open arms to hold you

To stand with you and watch and smile

To know your inner self

We need our men

To provide for us both material wealth as well as emotional wealth in the beginning of our lives

To show us that we are not always strong, but always the same yet different, always loving

To hold us still when we are older to share with us their life

To show that you can be humble

We need our men

To tell us we can

To be so uneducated but so knowledgeable

To be weak but so strong

To show fear but be so fearless

To listen but also do what needs to be done

To be so large in life but still have time to help sort out bad dreams

Grandpa has and will always will be the AMAZING man.

He has climbed tall mountains (Cook)...

He has created tracks (Milford, Fox, Hollford....on and on)...

He has lived off the land....

He has and has taught me that you can....and don't stop until you are happy (something that his son kept on teaching me)

We sit and wait now...some with him...some like myself just able to remember him.

Am I sad?

I am not sure yet

But my Grandpa needs to be free now

Feeling the fear of sleep

2009-12-01T20:07:00.000-08:00

I am reading John Holt's "How Children Fail"

A quote:

The scared fighter may be the best fighter, but the scared learner is always a poor learner

Now I am sure that many people would disagree that a child crying it's self to sleep is scared... especially a very young one.

But it makes you think....right?

Infant Nutrition

2009-11-29T12:12:00.000-08:00

A question...I've never looked at a formula tin...does it have this on it?

Mandatory Statement

Breastfeeding is best for babies, and provides the ideal balanced diet and protection against illness. During pregnancy and after delivery, a mother`s diet should contain sufficient key nutrients. Professional guidance can be sought on diet and the preparation for and maintenance of breastfeeding. Infant formula is intended to replace breast-milk when mothers do not breastfeed. A decision not to breast-feed, or to introduce partial bottle-feeding, could reduce the supply of breast-milk. Once reduced, it is difficult to re-establish. Infant formula should be prepared and used as directed. Unnecessary or improper use, such as the use of unboiled water, unboiled bottles or incorrect dilution may present a health hazard. Social and financial implications, such as the preparation requirements and the cost of providing formula until 12 months of age, should be considered when choosing how to feed infants.

By clicking on the "I agree" link below, you are confirming that you have chosen to formula feed your child and you are accepting that Nestlé is supplying this information at your individual request, for informational or educational purposes.

I've been over at pHD in parentings blog...thanks Hamish for helping type

HayFever raws again

2009-11-29T11:42:00.000-08:00

I'm amazed I can see what i'm doing...this is the worst year yet.

I thank my lucky stars that i do not have a new born.

Its been so hard on poor Ara the last few months and just when Mummy is getting her self together and becoming the Mummy she would like to be with...I turn.

Can I howl now?

Why no schedule's for feeding

2009-11-17T16:15:00.000-08:00

I have often tried to put in words not just the immediate health benefits of feeding on cue but for our learning skills and emotional health as well.

An excerpt from Everyday Blessings helps put across well what many others say.

When a baby is fed on a schedule rather than in response to her cues, the food comes at an adult-determined "time for feeding," whether she is hungry or not. Instead of getting to experience hunger and then feeling the hunger satisfied as we respond to the myriad ways she subtly or not-so-subtly communicates with us, the experience can easily become one of disconnection from herself and the person feeding her. She is denied the ability to self-regulate and is placed in a passive role. There is no control, no empowering, no experience of exercising her will and getting an appropriate response. Being fed can become a dissociative experience, rather than an enlivening one in which feelings of trust and connectedness between parent and child are continually nourished and strengthened.

Whether babies are breastfed or bottlefed, feeding them in response to their cues reinforces and builds a sense of their own power. They experience their ability to get what they need and to elicit an appropriate response from the world around them. This inner quality of confidence, built upon repeated experiences of successfully achieving a desired effect, is known as self-efficacy Many studies show self-efficacy to be the single strongest factor predicting health and healing, an ability to handle stress, and the ability to make healthy lifestyle changes in adults and in children. The foundation for a robust and wide-ranging selfconfidence begins in childhood with these kinds of intimate and mutually responsive interactions.

As a person with Von Willerbrands bleeding disorder (me in middle) I am very happy...this time round front the start to be feeding on cue.

With my first child I was told my Highneeds child was snacking and to hold out...I had my period 1 month after my baby was born....not what I needed.

So far 6 months and period free.....yahoo....its worth feeding at 1am or 3am...for me...and him ;-)

From a personal view point. I myself was feed on cue. Mum also made a food draw once I was older to help myself from any time...filled with good foods of course. I love food! Good healthy food. I eat when I'm hungry. I am not over weight.

Nothing like Anonymous comment's to keep you on your toes

2009-11-17T11:44:00.000-08:00

I hardly get any horrible comments. This I find quite amazing and interesting. But as a few friends have said that unless your battling with issues you'll probably not go looking for help…and if you don't like what you read on one web page you tend to ignore it and find one you do like. And if you do like it you'll often want to share in the story…..AND as this post of mine says…"we are all evolving" and haha it takes time.

I used to write to all my commenter's as I found that it made me look harder and write more and become even more in turn with the subject.

Like I have always said

"My blog is my path in learning why babies don't often sleep through and the side effects of current sleep trends.

My blog is not about you personally but about our culture and society and the expectations that it puts on new parents. Become well informed START READING ... not baby training books and not just here but research information and papers from psychologists, anthropologists/historians, scientists, and doctors. Research that includes looking at genetic, physiological, instinctive, human developmental and social aspects!"

But now I'm becoming a little more selective in comments... as when I started my blog I was one ANGRY Mummy over a book I used written by Tizzie Hall. I not so now….. but in my writing its come to her attention and of course she needs to try and test my information, and regain some good marks for her side. That’s cool I figure that if people come here they are unhappy with what they have got (issues)or want to balance a review….ya can't always have a 5 star rating…just like I don't expect to make everyone happy with my writing..

I have often said that I am a Mother with no qualifications or skills other than my ability to read observe and think, which is why through all my blog I have posted links to the web sites I have read from or posted the book’s title that I am quoting from….this is so my readers can make up their own minds.

I have as of the past few years changed my views many times. I have also firmed up my views but become more flexible too. In the past few months/weeks I have stepped into Everyday Blessings by Jon Kabit-Zinn…and have now become more calm and accepting.

In the beginning of my blog life. I was angry at Tizzie Hall the writer of Save Our Sleep. But I feel I have grown past that now and have begun to thank her for changing my life in a roundabout way for the better. I often wonder what would of happened if Ara did crack using her cry it out book…where would I be today? Still depressed with no clue…not on the path to mindfulness? We do not know.

I now understand that child sleep issues are but one small part of raising a child...I have started to become much more interested in behavioral issues with children and the amazing links which tie into child sleep issues as well as adult problems later in life.

I have been diving more and more into my Father and Mothers realm of psychology. My parents deal with violence, abuse, drug taking, alcohol abuse, family violence, violence against children…all the issues that many people do not like to see or admit that it happens. I often bounce ideas off of them or have talks even though they are in different areas….I can still pick their brains.

Ok as I said I have Hay Fever…and I'm also getting excited on visiting interesting sites I want to read more….but I'm a Mum of Two….so hahaha for time.

I have often tried to "mind map" all the links of information to explain what I talk about here but the topic is so large and complex I get quite side tracked….and I love mind mapping too

For example take one of Attachment Parenting Internationals eight principles Feed with Love and Respect. So many people get very upset about this and feel that people who breastfeed are knocking the people who bottle feed.

For me as a new Mother I did not know that babies needed to be feed little and often. This was not really discovered by me for a little while because it is not part of my cultural belief. This belief which seems to be tied back into formula feeding…see here the links start so much information to talk about.

I was to believe that I could feed my baby to a schedule as recommend by many books …the links again.

I did not understand that babies were not made this way and was confused by my child's behavior…i.e. screaming.

The tie into this myth also made sleep issues even more of a problem (oh the carry on affects of just one topic)…why did my child not sleep all night…hungry? Lonely? Scared? But oh the links….needing to sleep close to the Mother…..needing feeding through the night….feeding often is natural birth control…feeding often cuts back stress to mother and child….feeding produces stress reducing hormones and sleep hormones…

I have not got very far and there is so much to write about.

THE LINKS of our actions in raising our children are amazing.

I get so wound up when I have comments like and want to write and explore "I found out that in actual fact, a baby needs a routine from quite early on so that his or her metabolism can learn to regulate itself and work efficiently as they grow. (I am now thinking about doing some research into this area when I get back to further studies and seeing if there is a link between babies that are demand fed and the increased rates of obesity in children.)

People are not looking at the 'Problem' as a whole. Nor are they looking at the information and studies.

"Bad science sets out to make a point, looks neither to the left nor the right but only straight ahead for evidence that supports the point it sets out to make. When it finds evidence it likes, it gathers it tenderly and subjects it to little or no testing" K. Vonnegut, The Boston Globe

What about thinking of….

Babies who are on schedules 'might' be slimmer at the start…

But what about not eating when you’re hungry? Look at people from war time or depression time that did not have enough food…them horde food now or eat a little too well (or deny themselves a whole other issue).

Was the child deigned food, milk, close touch? Does it scoff down food at the 'right' time?

What about the pressure to get your child on solids. We start at six months don’t we…but oh my child is big or different so I'll start at 4 month (help them sleep through the night). But they are not eating enough…but it loves custard…we'll feed it custard…oh it likes biscuits and cake…oh it so fat it must be cause I demand feed it.

Was it rewarded with food?

Did the child get 'demand' fed (cue feed) and the Mother felt anger over this…thus creating insecurities…which lead to future bad eating habits.

Personally some of the fattest babies I know were cue fed. They are not now as grown adults.

It is all about emotion health and security and how solids are introduced to you.

HOW MUCH WEIGHT SHOULD I EXPECT MY BREASTFEEDING BABY TO GAIN?

Oh I go on and on and round and round

We are all so different

We all have needs

Mine is I want to learn more

I'll leave you with this

A learned man once went to a Zen master to inquire about Zen. As the Zen master talked, the learned man would frequently interrupt him with remarks like "Oh yes, we have that too", and so forth. Finally the Zen master stopped talking and began to serve tea to the learned man; however he kept on pouring and the teacup overflowed. "Enough! No more can go into the cup!" the learned man interrupted. "Indeed, I see," answered the Zen master. "If you do not first empty your cup, how can you taste my cup of tea?" link

I used to have a full cup…now I make sure I drink it down and ask for more…and from different tea pots too

How do we revert to coercion with our children?

2009-11-15T20:26:00.000-08:00

A quote from Pam Leo's book Connection Parenting.

Children's motivation to cooperate comes from feeling connected.

Speaking respectfully and listening with love builds connection.

When children feel connected to us we have influence.

Speaking to children in disrespectful, unloving ways breaks connection.

When we break connection, we lose influence.

Without influence, we resort to coercion.

Evolving Parenting Styles

2009-11-15T16:30:00.000-08:00

There are many combinations of parent, child, culture, resources, education and time/history. Through out my blog I often talk about Attachment Parenting - something I aspire to follow and do to the best of ability. In my blog I always talk about me personally and my views from my standing point…its my blog my path if learning.

In my reading over the years I have discovered many different combinations with their own little quirks'.

Connection Parenting

Authentic Parenting

Natural Parenting

The list is long (and I have Hay Fever and am not going to list them all)and many have very good points which we as parents take parts of to use with our own combination of personalities.

As an example part of Attachment Parenting is baby wearing.

With the combination of my own childhood being backpacked and Ara my first child needing Mummy touch all the time. Baby wearing in a sling came easy.

With my second child he's not so keen on the sling and wants to get down more or to be a part of things from the backpack (cause he can stand ;-)…its all about standing at the moment)

You roll with the needs.

Many people view attachment parents as Woman who are 'crunchy'/'hippy'/'new age' who are vegetarian (or vegan), natural cotton wearing, can cook amazing meals of food from their own garden while wearing one child on their backs giving birth 'naturally' and being calm and pleasant to their other unschooled children and equally hard working husband and at the end of the day she breastfeeds them all off to sleep and manages to have wild romantic sex with her husband.

Oh sigh!

I used to dream of saving children (I still do) but I have come to understand after reading Robin Grilles book Parenting for a peaceful world and he refers to works of Lloyd deMause that we as parents over time are evolving.

Lloyd deMause talks about many different Modes….Infanticidal Mode, Abandoning Mode (beginning with the Christian era), Ambivalent Mode (beginning with the 12th century), Intrusive Mode (beginning with the late 16th century), Socializing Mode (beginning late 18th century), Helping Mode (beginning mid-20th century)…link

And while we might be at a certain point in history we still have some parts of each of these modes entwined in our culture and own child histories and beliefs which in turn are passed on to our children.

But we all seem to be moving forward.

While there are still many stories of parents using extreme cry it out there are more and more who do not. Not all Attachment Parents co-sleep or babywear…I think we just try to listen, respect and respond.

We as parents do things out of desperation, out of love, out of confusion and unknowing. We are not wrong…we are just evolving.

Turning over new parenting leaves

2009-11-12T11:36:00.000-08:00

How many new leaves can you have?

How much can you learn?

How important is your job?

As a parent there is no limit

Changes take time and often are met with resistance.

For us having a 'new' baby has just sunk in for our first child.

While I have read Connection Parenting I am re-reading it with my new views on meditation to help me while also having a child which is having....

Temper Tantrums (except from book)

Having no more room to store hurt is the explanation for temper tantrums. A temper tantrum is spillover. Imagine that every child has a cup inside to store the unreleased hurts. The cup fills with unreleased hurts. Then one more hurt happens, and the child explodes with crying, anger, frustration, or rage. Our efforts to reason, comfort, or to fix are useless. We don't know why the child is behaving this way, and we don't know what to do. The hurt we did see didn't seem to warrant this intense response. The tantrum is the release of the accumulated hurts we didn't see.

Tantrums push our buttons. We may feel anxious, angry, or embarrassed. The child's release of painful feelings triggers the pain of our unreleased hurts. Once their cup spills, children lose control. Since we can't usually calm the child, it helps to focus on keeping ourselves calm. Children depend on adults to be their safety net. A child lost in a tantrum needs the adult to stay calm and keep him from hurting anyone or anything while the hurt empties out.

Crying and tantrums are not misbehaviors or manipulation; they are healing behaviors. Tantrums appear to be manipulation because the most common trigger for a tantrum is the disappointment and feeling of loss a child experiences when we say "No." The "no" is the last straw, the final drop that unleashes the hurt. Children grieve the loss they experience when we deny their request. If this "no" is the hurt that occurs when there is no more room in the cup, the cup spills.

Whenever we say no to a child, either we can expect a little crying to grieve the disappointment or we can expect a tantrum.

There is a bright side to tantrums. Releasing the pain of emotional hurt clears the way for emotional connection. Any parent who has been with a child after a full-blown tantrum has probably experienced the "rainbow after the storm." Once the child releases the pain, the child's delightful, natural nature returns. The child is usually calm, cheerful, affectionate, and cooperative.

Looking for a Limit

Have you ever heard the expression "cruising for a bruising"?

Do you ever have days when it feels like children are pushing the limits and being demanding? When a child's stored hurts cup is full, the child might push for the "No" that will be the final hurt that spills the cup. The child is not cruising for a bruising. The child is looking for a limit. You do yourself and the child a service if you set a limit. Trust and know that the child will release the stored hurts and feel better when the cup is emptied.

So with Dave and I having to look at our views and check in with each other on differences and ban together on a few things we are starting to come round to calm again...till next time ;-)

On a side issue while having to go gluten free and dairy free for Hamish's colic...I having found that Gluten is also affecting me and my moods so a good find there too.

To hell and back

2009-11-08T14:19:00.001-08:00

I didn't want to post but i think i just need to get it off my chest.

I really don't know what has happened to my brain.

I lost the plot?

Tears tears and more tears.

Ara must have such a big cup to fill and I'm just not able to fill it...or she so active it all sloshes over the sides. I totaly love my daughter but we a finding a new level of parenting at the moment.

I am/was a traditional disciplinarian. I felt that a badly behaving child gets punished. The child gets a warning in a threatening tone, and then if the behavior continues the child gets picked up a quick swat on the behind and put in the room. There is often lots of screaming going on but is just life isn’t it?

So let me try and use what I call a scientific approach mixed with some psychology and see what the out come is.

Step 1 – Child miss behaves

Step 2 – Warning from parent

Step 3 – Child continues….wait an minute hold the anger…

I now understand a lot of my issues come from childhood and cultural ideas...I don't want to pass on to my kids.

So i've been reading.

At the right time too...just before Ara starts to really need me.

I've really been stepping back and looking at the bigger picture...ok some times a bit late but I'm getting there. I've never smacked Ara and never intend too. I've also stared on reading Everyday Blessings to take out a lot of other things too.

Shame

Manipulation

Yelling...tone of voice

Put down's.

Its hard but I'm really seeing a change already at my lowest point of depression...I'm feeling better faster... Ara is responding.

Poor Dave has cop'd so much in my growing but he's so supportive. That crumpled mess on the floor was me...and while we both don't really know how to deal with emotions (was not aloud that irrational behavior in my childhood) I am learning to teach and let my children have their's.

I best go have a bit of me time....but this post needs a lot more work and exploration.

Fire Works

2009-11-06T17:50:00.000-08:00

Waking me up...is NOT good

2009-11-01T11:47:00.000-08:00

I've had an issue with getting woken up early hours of the evening. It seems I get my best sleep at that time. I don't have an issue with Hamish I just feed him...I don't really wake up.

BUT often Ara will come to bed - after I've gone to sleep - and WAKE ME UP...then I loose the plot totally...all my calm everything.

WHY?

Even if Dave wakes me up now I get really upset.

I don't know why as now with beginning to learn mediation I am able to get back to sleep most of the time. Unlike when Ara was little I would lay awake for hours...getting more and more angry.

I must need to calm more.

Maybe work on getting Ara calmer before getting into bed with me. I try to tell Dave that an early bed time is very important...but its often forgotten...oh well...a parents job is never dull...always changing and looking for more info.

Put that baby down

2009-10-27T20:14:00.000-07:00

Goodness me there is so much information out there today parents just don't know what to follow.

Plunket has a firm stance that Babies need 20mins of tummy time a day to develop properly....and we should not carry our children too much other wise they will not walk.

I carried Ara a lot...she developed "on time"...and walks and runs like the rest of them.

I read a snipp of information (sorry forgotten the link) a baby will turn over when it's ready...so always put the baby down on its back rather than let it mush its face into the ground...an un-natural thing to do.

So I thought I would try this with Hamish...he rolled very early....so I don't have to "give" him tummy time he does it himself.

My issue is how do I slow my child down.

I'm scared. Ara called me into the room the other day saying that Hamish was standing. I was like yer right...he does this thing where he stands on his feet bum up in the air but hands on the ground.

No he was up and walking round the coffee table....and now he has a temper if he's not standing.

Its all happening too fast and I was wanting to enjoy the moment.

But as the saying goes he'll probably be developing later in another area

5 months

2009-10-18T15:10:00.000-07:00

Wow we have made it to here.

What a GREAT ride so far.

I cant' believe how I feel. Its just been getting better and better everyday.

My current reading has been helping me, or getting me on to a path of healing. I feel over the past year or so of my blogging and reading on parenting styles and discovering for my self I finaly understand why I am they way I am.

But now...its the fixing stage.

All while being a parent

Jon Kabit Zinn's "Where ever you go there you are" has been a great start. Along with Everyday Blessings.

I'm really busy at the moment doing a lot of sewing and just being....but blogging is not far from my mind.

Hamish is crawling after Ara.

Ara is learning about having a baby.

I'm learning about life

Living moment by moment and getting so much more time.

I get so peeved

2009-10-12T17:13:00.000-07:00

So many people think that just because I am an Attachment Parent and parent my children to sleep that;

a) my children don't sleep

b) my children do not have a Routine or Rhythm

Its one thing the adult parts of my family hate...my little ways my sticking to it

BUT

I belive i need to give my children time to sleep and cues to let them know its time to sleep.

AND yes while we do need to go see people and do things...I try not to do it every day

Wanting it now

2009-09-25T16:43:00.000-07:00

"It's true. Ordinarily, when we undertake something, it is only natural to expect a desirable outcome for our efforts. We want to see results, even if it is only a pleasant feeling…….

You'll get caught up in wanting to have a "special experience" or in looking for signs of progress, and if you don't feel something special pretty quickly, you may start to doubt the path you have chosen, or to wonder whether you are "doing it right."……….. every state is a special state, every moment a special moment.

……….When we let go of wanting something else to happen in this moment, we are taking a profound step toward being able to encounter what is here now. If we hope to go anywhere or develop ourselves in any way, we can only step from where we are standing. If we don't really know where we are standing---a knowing that comes directly from the cultivation of mindfulness-we may only go in circles, for all our efforts and expectations. So, in meditation practice, the best way to get somewhere is to let go of trying to get anywhere at all."

"TRY: Reminding yourself from time to time: 'This is it." See if there is anything at all that it cannot be applied to. Remind yourself that acceptance of the present moment has nothing to do with resignation in the face of what is happening. It simply means a clear acknowledgment that what is happening is happening. Acceptance doesn't tell you what to do. What happens next, what you choose to do, that has to come out of your understanding of this moment. You might try acting out of a deep knowing of "This is it." Does it influence how you choose to proceed or respond? Is it possible for you to contemplate that in a very real way, this may actually be the best season, the best moment of your life? If that was so, what would it mean for you?"

Quote from the book

Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life

By Jon Kabat-Zinn

As a new parent we often fall into wanting to get back to our old lives, or questioning why can this baby not fit in to my schedule. Often we try so hard to get our children to do something often before they are developmentally ready and forget to enjoy the now. We are often unable to see that what we are doing is working - our kindness our love our own continuing education and thought of our children is really doing something … raising our children.

The more I learn about children their development, brain, behavior, our history the more I understand I do not know.

Can you accept your child saying NO

2009-09-22T21:50:00.000-07:00

How many times have you told your child that you can't do something right now or put them off, delayed or just flat out said No.

How do you handle it when the say NO.

How can your child of say 3-7 or more distinguish the difference between your no and their no....should there be any difference?

Why should they do what you say....hummm control.

Who likes to have their life controlled...even our children do not like being told what to do...so why do we make them do it?

I just asked Ara to turn down the music...she said no....my parenting style which is being scrubbed up and challenged every day had my hackles rise and my teeth grit and I growled.

The job got done.

I was angery....did I need to be?

Did I need to make her do something

Did I need to make her feel terrible?

Was it not my own doing bringing this terrible feeling to myself and also someone else.

Its hard work bringing the Zen into life...but once I do I feel so much better.

So we sat on the couch and I told her I felt yucky for growling...and I was sorry for making her feel yucky. She expressed her feelings as well which is great. Sad angry and scared.

I've got tears in my eyes but .... well TAKE A BIG BREATH.

I'll serve dinner now.

So much effects babies and their sleep

2009-09-22T17:46:00.000-07:00

Dave made a WONDERFUL chocolate cake on the weekend. I had three bits...and paid big time with no sleep because of Hamish's issues with dairy products....but it was chocolate cake!!!!

Hamish also still has a blocked nose which really kicks in in the early hours of the morning...he's just drifting off...his nose blocks up then he screams....and we start again.

oh well at least I've learnt about night time parenting and have come to terms with it.

Learning about babies and their needs...not what we expect of them

Learning how to breastfeed and lay down

Learning that it is ok to go to bed early

Learning some Zen to keep my temper in check...and I must say I'm getting better every day :-)

Think of what might affect you in your sleep....you are an adult and can fix your problems a child can not....remember the last time you had a crook tummy - ahh ha? How well did you sleep?

Put your self in your child's shoes (pj's) and get some empathy.

What parenting style?

2009-09-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

Learning about the history of "the childhood" is amazing. Nothing like being glade that you are alive today.

The Evolution
of Childrearing Modes
Lloyd deMause

I've been discovering heaps in Robin Grille's book Parenting for a peaceful world.

I would like to say that I am totally in the helpful mode...but hey that would be a lie.

An Ergo?

2009-09-17T18:00:00.000-07:00

I'm looking at an Ergo it costs a lot of money as we don't have US$

But I've always been looking for something that i can use to breastfeed in, let them sleep in, use as a front pack (though not so they are facing out which is a bother), and a back pack (but it does seem a little low...likes looking over shoulder).

I love my sling but it is a bit limiting at times.

I am over tying knots...and i need a few pockets

So my baby wearing friends what do you think?

Thank you to Veggieway so far for your help

trying to do too much

2009-09-17T13:38:00.000-07:00

Yes I think I am

My husband is away with work.

My parents are away

My in laws are away

My Grandfather has been shipped off to a rest home for a few weeks...so my Nana is....there.

I feel I should take Ara out to Playcentre so she can let off some steam but its so hard to make sure that both she and Hamish get enough sleep to keep their tempers and mine under wraps.

Hamish will not sleep while at on our outings so its down to having to get some sleep before we go. Some days it works and others like today it does not.

Some days Ara needs more sleep but will often wake up screaming blue murder (lord knows why) and not calm down for about half an hour which by this time Hamish has woken up because he can hear her screaming...then he starts screaming....hahaha no cry life solution?

On a good note on wednesday when we did all have a good sleep and a good time...I packed us up and went to music. Popped Hamish in the back pack which he loved. Was able to pick up Ara and dance when we needed...hug when she needed.

I came home feeling wonderful.

Got to zig with the zig and zag with the zag...I'm a little out.

Wrapping or Swaddle for Baby sleep

2009-09-13T14:33:00.000-07:00

I've been reading...Robin Grille

I've not wrapped Hamish

A particularly bizarre, yet universal, fashion was the excessively tight and prolonged swaddling of babies. Bandages were used to completely immobilize babies into rigid cocoon shapes. Designed as inescapable bonds, swaddling could be so tight and complex as to require over an hour to apply. Tight swaddling was employed by the ancient Jews, Greeks and Romans, and persisted in Europe through the Middle Ages. Various styles of restrictive and immobilizing swaddling are also seen among many indigenous North and South American groups, in contemporary Eastern Europe, some parts of the Middle East, and rural Japan

Doubtless this practice rendered the unfortunate infant more manageable. With a minimum-maintenance, controlled child being the goal, it is little wonder that this kind of swaddling continued in England and America until the 18th century, and in France and Germany until the 19th century. German babies were swaddled tighter and longer than the French, and were called Wickelkinder. One observer described them as piteous objects who were changed once or twice a day, rarely bathed, bound like mummies in yards of bandages.

Swaddled babies were tied to wooden boards, hung up on hooks, and left unattended while carers went about their business. They were left to, stew in their own excrement and urine for hours, and were covered in hideous and excruciating skin irritations. The worst effect of swaddling is that it made fondling or caressing, something vital to healthy emotional development, impossible.`

Swaddling was given some bizarre justifications, based on irrational ideas about the nature of babies. People were gripped by fear that the un-swaddled baby would crawl like an animal, scratch out its eyes, break its limbs, or (God forbid!) touch its genitals. More to the point, complete immobilization made babies less troublesome, quieter, and generally more convenient for the carer. Often, as they hung from wall-hooks, rags soaked in gruel were left stuffed in their mouths to stifle their annoying cries. Swaddling has been shown to calm babies, which explains why this practice persists into the new millennium in many parts of the world. The much sought after 'calm' of the swaddled baby is in fact a listless and withdrawn stupor induced by bondage. Swaddled babies are more passive,sleep longer and more readily. The heart rate of a swaddled infant is lower, and they tend to cry less. Doubtless this makes babies less of a nuisance, but their enforced passivity comes at a grave cost.

Researchers have found that when animals are immobilized they develop lesions such as peptic ulcers.` When animals are immobilized for as little as two hours a day, their brain chemistry is altered. The resulting increases in terror, rage, and violence last long beyond the treatment." In clinical studies, babies have been observed to struggle immediately after the swaddling, and then to give up. This is commonly mistaken for restfulness. Prolonged swaddling has been associated with retarded social and motor development, and impaired emotional development due to the sensory deprivation.

Touch deprivation, a product of swaddling, results in a depletion of oxytocin (a hormone associated with wellbeing or pleasure), and oversupplies of the stress hormone cortisol. When such upsets in hormonal balance occur at a time critical to brain development, the effects are long-term. Excessive and prolonged swaddling can lead to a lifetime of elevated irritability and anxiety."

Swaddling was first spoken against by the 18 h century English doctor William Cadogan, the same individual who first discredited the practice of wet-nursing. He noticed that the children of impoverished women who couldn't afford to buy swaddling clothes tended to be more robust and healthy.

Interesting...please see my other post on wrapping

I'm not a good mother...not perfect

2009-09-13T14:14:00.000-07:00

Spring is here and with it all the ills.

The children have a cold and its been three weeks for Hamish and he's still a little chesty. Ara on top of the cold has had a tummy bug (friends eh).

So a little burnt out in the needs area.

I've pretty much snapped...I know I have a short fuse but this is just terrible.

While I have been finding a new inner peace...it seems to be hiding again.

I would really like to work my anger issues out and I feel I am with Buddhist ideas...but i need it now!

Sick children sap it out of you real fast...just when you need it the most.

I like being a perfectionist but I don't even feel I'm being good enough the last few days.

2009-09-13T14:13:00.001-07:00

Breast feeding myths part 1

2009-09-04T17:12:00.000-07:00

As everything in life is interconnected, each action will have a reaction, each idea we use weather it be in our lives or our children's will have lasting impact.
I can not write one post to answer, just like you can not read one book to answer, so we must look wide and hard to begin to get the full picture to begin to understand.

When looking at myths we need to put aside everything we believe in and start with a totally open mind. To keep this quote in mind also helps "Bad science sets out to make a point, looks neither to the left nor the right but only straight ahead for evidence that supports the point it sets out to make. When it finds evidence it likes, it gathers it tenderly and subjects it to little or no testing. " K. Vonnegut, The Boston Globe.

The breastfeeding routine

We've all heard about it. Some of us have tried it (I'm in that camp), some of us swear it is un-natural as well as damaging to the child and adult, and some of us swear that it’s the only way.

The first question to myself when starting out this post is…."Did the cave Mother have a watch?" for that matter did my Great Grandmother (Mother of 16) have one either?
Answer is no.
They just did what was natural (possibly not my Great Grandmother as she was alive and influenced by ideas of the industrial revolution or modernization period of the late 1700's to early 1900's. You may ask what does that have to do with anything…..but that is how far back we need to look for the beginnings of our current child raising beliefs. For some of you that might be for ever, but in the over all development of history of earth a 100 years or so is nothing)

So now I start….
For the untrained or uneducated (I don't want to be offending but I don't feel we can all be educated in every area) people feel that their children/infants should be able to keep to a routine in their milk/food requirements.
For example the common cow. Which is an example in one such book I've read where the writer consulted a farmer to why he milked this cows the same time every day…then concluded that what is perceived as good for the calf and cow is good for the human equivalent of Mother and child.

Human Babies-Cache or Carry?
Anthropology also teaches us a great deal about what human babies are designed to expect from their caregivers, based on very real biological needs. Mammalian maternal behavior is divided into two distinct behavioral norms: "cache" mammals and "carry" mammals. The cache mammals are those that leave their babies in hiding for long periods of time so the mother can hunt for food. These mothers have milk high in fat and protein, allowing their babies to sleep for long periods of time in order not to attract a predator with their cries. The carry species are those mammals whose babies are relatively immature and must be on their mother's bodies or in very close proximity. These mothers produce milk that is low in fat and protein, which digests quickly, guaranteeing that the baby will be hungry more frequently. This forces the mother to stay close by, ideally having the baby on her body so they can move together quickly if needed to escape a dangerous situation. Human babies are by far the most immature babies born, needing constant care, including feeding, holding, rocking, and other soothing behaviors. Unfortunately, Western culture has traditionally treated human babies as if they were more like cache animals, trying to invent ways to keep them quiet and alone for as long as possible, especially at night. This can force babies to go against their biology and, in some cases, lead to failure to thrive.
Researchers in the United States and England have found that on average, babies in these countries are only touched or held for approximately 25 percent of their daytime hours. By nine months of age, the touch time goes down to 16 percent. Even young infants in a model day care center were only touched 14 percent of the day. In contrast, studies done with the !Kung San tribe in Africa found that infants are in touch with their mothers for approximately 70 percent of the day and in someone else's arms the rest of the time. These babies cry much less than Western babies.
Attachment parenting encourages parents to find a happy balance in their ability to keep their babies physically close. Seventy percent may seem overwhelming for some parents, especially if they have a physical challenge to holding their babies that much, but being aware of the biological needs for babies to be held and soothed encourages us to find creative ways to meet these needs.
Attached at the heart - By Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker

Another quote

How often and how long should I feed my baby?

Frequently, frequently, frequently! Those are the magic words for successful breastfeeding. Both experience and research have shown the following benefits when infants enjoy frequent, unrestricted breastfeeding.

Infants grow better - they thrive. The fat and calorie content of mother's milk is higher. Mothers experience less engorgement and fewer breast infections and sore nipples. Frequent feedings are most important in the first three months of life.

Watch your baby, not the clock. Breastfeeding is a harmonious relationship, not a mathematical exercise. …... It's the frequency of breastfeeding more than the duration of individual feedings that stimulates your milk producing hormones.

The storage capacity of breasts varies from mother to mother. Mothers with a lower storage capacity simply need to feed their infants more frequently. Each mother-infant pair enters into a continual, mutual negotiation about when to nurse, so that supply equals need.

Babies' feeding patterns are as varied as their personalities. Early in your breastfeeding relationship you realize that the term schedule has absolutely no meaning for the breastfeeding baby, certainly not during the first month. The only schedule your baby will have, and should have, is her own. One of the most beautiful and natural biological negotiations is between a mother and her nursing baby working together to get the law of supply and demand in breastfeeding working comfortably. Again, listen to your baby's cues and watch your baby, not the clock.

In the first few days, most babies suck in varying intensities, intermittently, and for long periods of time, some even for as long as an hour. Newborns will often fall asleep during a feeding and then wake up again in an hour and want to feed again. The duration of the feeding often depends upon baby's sucking style. Little "gourmets" suck gently and leisurely, stopping to savor the moment and look around. "Barracudas" get down to business quickly and feed ravenously.

Please note this information here as in many books like with the above book mentioned when talking about cows, also recommended the advice for a newborn before your milk has come in routine.
As for the length of feedings, ignore the old but oft-given advice "Begin with three minutes on each side and gradually increase the length of feedings by one minute each side up to ten minutes." Neither babies nor experienced breastfeeding mothers wrote these restrictive rules. Three minutes per side may not even allow enough time for your milk-ejection reflex to operate. Normal newborns can take up to an hour to get a full meal. You will notice the length of most feedings varies from fifteen to forty-five minutes, with the average feeding lasting around thirty minutes. The longer and more frequently a baby nurses in the early weeks of breastfeeding, the more milk you will produce. Within a month or two, once mother and baby have worked out a mutually satisfying, harmonious routine, most babies get all the milk they need within the first ten minutes of a feeding. Yet some babies still linger at the breast and luxuriate in comfort sucking. This is good for them, and good for mother's milk supply, too.

Again the same book also used scare tactics of "if you feed too often you'll get sore nipples"
Restricting the length of feedings was once thought to prevent sore nipples. Lactation consultants now know that positioning and latch-on problems cause sore nipples, not feeding frequently. If your nipples are getting sore, you need to change the way your baby is nursing, not how often or how long he feeds.

Another myth is that frequent feeding can cause painful engorgement. Research shows just the opposite. The more a mother restricts the frequency and length of breastfeeding or encourages her newborn to have long stretches of sleep, the more likely she is to get engorged.

Realistically, expect your baby to breastfeed every two to three hours for the first few weeks. We have noticed, as have others, that babies who thrive (meaning grow to their fullest potential) will usually breastfeed eight to twelve times a day in the first few weeks. Once your milk supply is established and you and your baby have reached a mutually satisfying routine, your baby may accept other kinds of comforting besides breastfeeding.

Frequent versus spaced feedings is a hot topic among modern baby-care advisers. Proponents-of spaced feedings (we dub them baby trainers) try to sell scheduled feedings as a way of getting babies to fit more conveniently into parents' lifestyle. Baby trainers advocate feeding even newborns no more than every three or four hours throughout the day. This advice can lead to undernourished babies as well as to the end of breastfeeding. Both experience and science have proven that spaced feedings are not right for the great majority of babies and that babies who feed frequently grow better and cry less. In short, frequent feeders thrive.
The Breastfeeding Book By Martha Sears, R.N and William Sears, M.D

Recommended Reading
Copied from Attached at the heart - By Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker

Adventures in Tandem Nursing.. Breastfeeding during Pregnancy and Beyond by Hilary Flowers.
Baby Matters.. What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Caring for Your Baby (21d ed.) by Linda E Palmer, DC.
Birth and Breastfeeding by Michel Odent, MD.
Eating Wellfor Optimum Health by Andrew Weil, MD.
Eat Healthy, Feel Great by Williarn Sears, MD, and Martha Sears, RN.
Eat Well and Lose Weight while Breas~feeding by Eileen Behan.
Feeding the Whole Family: Whole Recipesfor Babies, Young Children, and 7heir Parents by Cynthia Lair.
How Weaning Happens by Diane Bengson.
Mothering Multiples: Breastfeeding and Caringfor Twins or More! by Karen Kerkhoff Gromada.
Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Burngarner.
My Child Won't Eat by Carlos Gonzalez, MD.
The Baby Book by Williarn Sears, M D, James Sears, M D, Robert Sears, MD, and Martha Sears, RN.
The Breastfeeding Book by Williarn Sears, MD, and Martha Sears, RN.
The Family Nutrition Book by Williarn Scars, MD, and Martha Sears, RN.
The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood by Williarn Sears, MD, Martha Sears, RN, James Sears, MD, and Robert Sears, MD.
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League International.
The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers: 7he Most Comprehensive Problem-Solving Guide from the Foremost Expert in North America by jack Newman, MD, and Teresa Pitman.
Touching.. The Human Significance of the Skin by Ashley Montagu, Phd).
Whole Foods for Babies and Toddlers by Margaret Kenda.
Whole Foods for the Whole Family by La Leche League International.
Why Your Child is Hyperactive by Ben Feingold, MD.
Useful Web Sites

www.attachmentparenting.org Information on feeding babies, toddlers, and small children available on the Web site of Attachment Parenting International.

www.llli.org La Leche League International provides a network of mother-to-mother support for breastfeeding mothers.

www.AskDrSears.com Web site of Dr. William Sears and family, providing information on feeding the baby and young child, including information on supplemental nursing systems.

http://www.babyfriendlyusa.org/eng/index.html Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative of UNICEF, which includes information on helping establish good feeding practices as soon as the baby is born.

http://www.breastfeedingmadesimple.com/bms%20new%20home%20page.htm

Kathleen Kendall-Tackett's excellent resource for breastfeeding, including tips for moms who may have depression and want guidance on breastfeeding, safe medications, and alternative therapies.

http://www.who.int/nutrition/topics/infantfeeding_recommendation/en/index.html
World Health Organization site providing information on infant feeding.

And http://www.kellymom.com/

In all once you've finished looking through and reading that you may have changed your mind on scheduling you baby's breastfeeding…or you might of just read my post word for word not looking at the links or the other information and called the whole lot rubbish ;-) Its up to you how you want to play it.

Many Mother like myself when first holding the new baby did not know how to listen…the key to understanding your children. I'm still not the greatest listener but at least I try.
Many Mothers like myself will defend their idea to follow a schedule and say that it works for them and its good for their baby…and they themselves were probably scheduled babies.
It comes back to listening and empathy.

What am i doing?

2009-08-26T17:54:00.001-07:00

Attached at the Hear t

Connection Parenting

Unschooling Unmanual

Buddhism forMothers

I feel like I'm changing my life again....Wow. I've read some of these before...yes but again is even better.

Baby will not sleep without parent

2009-08-17T16:00:00.000-07:00

This post is to Emma...thank you

Some children are born with such a strong continuum (ie continuum concept) that they can not stand to be without their Mothers for a moment...other children are fine. Why? We are a different ... isn't it great! This is also known as a Fussy/Highneeds baby

With my second child I have learnt that its OK to hold onto them...in fact its great. Its a total mind adjustment for the parent and it takes thought, stamina and trail and era...the unwillness to give up.

Hamish (baby 2) has slept on me from the first day he arrived. I've breastfeed him while pushing Baby 1 on a swing. He's slept while making the bed, cleaning the house, making dinner, reading stories, talking on the phone hanging out the washing, walking round town...oh yes everywhere!...and all while breastfeeding some times too.
The out come of this for me is I sleep and co-sleep and breastfeed and I don't hear a peep (unless he's wet, or gasy) untill morning.....when his sister wakes him up...oh sigh ;-)

A friend asked if he slept well "in there" aka the sling...45min's-3hours.

I'm a sling girl at the moment and so is Hamish (well he's a boy...but you know what I mean) but there is heaps of options for Babywearing...just google it and enjoy you sleeping baby.

Oh and a tip Have a back up or two as they do get dirty - the slings or what ever...also try other ways and types as Bub gets older.

Good luck

Meatless meatloaf and children cooking

2009-08-10T16:21:00.000-07:00

I am not sure how many times I've had to watch "Curious George" the monkey movie but I would often laugh at the little quip of "meatless meatloaf" being served in the cafe of the museum.
At the moment there is a 'Parenting guru' on TV talking about letting our kids do things and not being so over protective. While I agree with most of that I disagree with other things...but that's what its all about.

My point today is letting my child cook. We are a little at odds here Dave and myself (we've not really sorted out what we agree on is OK) but we are now letting Ara cook. She's 3 and listens very well and has good control over her hands. We have gas in our kitchen which is a little worry but I'm very close and explain every step.

This has worked really well. Ara and I are both very calm and work really well together and she is very happy...meaning less disagreements which is GREAT.

So meatless meatloaf has become a reality.
Brown Rice, Lentils, Mushrooms, Eggs, Cheese, Carrots and Nuts

The two parent game

2009-08-08T15:16:00.000-07:00

For over a year it has been Ara and I during the week and Dave home on the weekend...so my word was the LAW and Dadda was fun to be with.
So with in the space of a few weeks Ara gained her father back home full time and a new baby brother...I think she's done really well.

So there we were after a long day and Ara's been an angel all day...I'm sitting catching my breath and feeding Hamish and Ara asked to have a Dadda cookie (Dave bakes GREAT rice flour cookies).
Feeling like one myself I was keen to get into the tin and have a little snack. I couldn't open the tin so Ara went and visited Dave (still at work for another 10mins) to open the tin.
Next minute Ara came back in tears saying that Dadda said no....it was too close to dinner time.

Oh dear.

Yes the two parent game has been happening here and in some cases Ara will play it to see if she can get something when I've said no. She's only just discovered that this can happen and I've talked to her about it and told her that its not cool...so it has dropped off...so the cookie issue was a little more upsetting discovering that Dadda will say 'no' when Mumma has said 'yes' (I'm the mean one ;-)

Tinnitus and child sleep problems

2009-08-07T21:25:00.000-07:00

I have Tinnitus and have often wondered over the past few years if there is any links to Highneed or Fussy babies?

I've always been a light sleeper and awake on any 'strange noise' and often take a long time to get back to sleep because of the 'ringing' in my head.

I look at some of the traits that both these issues have and find it very interesting...

I'll keep it in mind (hahaha) and look more

Two children and learning more

2009-08-06T18:58:00.000-07:00

Here I was amazed at how much my child has taught me.
To look at my values
To recover from depression
To live life in the now...but realise that the now is only such a short time.

The list goes on and on which you my readers have come through with me.

BUT with one child I could still try to look at the time I could still try to panic...and often will panic.
With one child I could still have a spotless house (I'd be a little silly after it but still it would make me happy)

BUT I still learn more!
The values I have have changed even more...some people would say I've slipped. Some people say put them in Daycare...some people say smack em....some people say "wooo that must be a load on your back all day".

I have been the most horrible Mother the last few days as I have struggled to keep it all under control. We've been out of our little routine which I so love as it keeps me sane and calm. We've had over tired scream ups from not only the kids but me too.
And in the middle of it all for the first time in my life....

I let go

All my life I've had pressure behind my eyes and a clamping feeling of anxiety in my chest...no amount of mediation could get rid of it...no amount of rest would dull it.
But in the middle of one of the 'worst days' with children getting jambed into cars screaming, messy nappy's in the middle of an outing with NO change area at all and 30 people 'watching', shopping with two of the most lovely children on earth and one panicking Mother that she was running late....
I had nothing
And I felt
GREAT!!!

Sadly it did not last but I know it is achievable again...and now I've felt it I want more ;-)

So I thank my children for pushing me to learn about myself for getting up off my butt and reading (as I've just said to Dave...adding another level of skills to my reading...reading the continuum concept for the 'first' time which is a walk in the park after all the others I've waded through).

So with tears in my eyes as I was almost to screaming the other night from mental madness...my infant son snuggled to my breast sucking softly off to sleep waved his little hand around in the air aimlessly (heighten my anger) my 3 year old daughter snuggled closer to me (which normally at the end of a day like this could send me rocketing) grabbed his hand kissed my for-head and said "I love you...night night"

I did cry...but with joy as all my day melted away seeing my children fall asleep on me holding hands.

Mei Tai, sleep and breastfeeding argh!!!!

2009-08-03T18:08:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to get Hamish into a Mei tai so I can move a little faster than the sling. Need to chase after Ara...
But i don't know how to breastfeed in the Mei tai. I've looked at a few photos of web pages but just can't seem to see how to do it.

Hamish is big but young and likes to feed to sleep...and wakes up on moving him into the Mei tai often. He likes to look and will struggle to stay awake and look at EVERY thing.
Why do i want to do this?
Ara needs to get out and about and i need to do things and (which is were cry out books a ideas don't work) we don't have a bed/cot out in the paddock/garden.
I wish i had some friendly bush/tribe people to show me how to do this.

So far we've done so well on our sleep. Hamish sleeps and feeds at night and i feel fine/great! I think he has 2-3 feeds but I really couldn't tell you as I've got co-sleeping down well.
I just need to suss out day times and we are "cooking with rock gas" as my Grandpa used to say.
Any ideas from the Babywearing parents?
love
m

An update thanks

see this post here for breastfeeding in Mei Tai I'll be trying today.

http://www.baby-carriers-downunder.com/2009/05/03/breastfeeding-in-a-mei-tai/

Quote from Buddha

2009-07-31T16:06:00.000-07:00

Wherever we go, wherever we remain
The results of our actions follows us.

Smacking is good discipline?

2009-07-31T14:52:00.000-07:00

Its 2009 and New Zealand is about to vote on the proposed smacking law.

We know from modern studies into human and animal behavior that using a 'corrective' or 'guiding' smack will possibly get results.

BUT if an adult, child or animal is learning a new skill it will learn faster, more efficiently and look pone its teacher with respect, if kindness and patients is used.

While I do not believe in our government passing laws on every little thing, I do believe that we should pass this law.

In passing this law we are telling people who use smacking that it is not ok to hit.

Hitting is an act of anger.

Many of us where hit as children as a discipline. This does not mean it is ok, it does not mean that we should not grow with modern information.

It does not mean we disrespect our parents or that we do not love our parents.

It means we forgive, grow and learn.

We break the cycle

If you like I as a parent often do in times of stress feel like hitting (as smacking often breeds a smacker) take a few deep breaths and try my little chant - in your own head please

I will not hit you!

I love you!

You are a child who is learning/excited/tired/disappointed (what ever the case may be)!

I am an adult!

You are an adult and you will now be lowered to hitting a small defenseless child over some miss communication.

And saying "I just can't get through to her unless I give her a good smack" is your problem and inability to communicate not your child's.

Hey I'm a parent too!

Update

Many people in NZ believe that we are the only country in the world to have this Ban. Here is a list of other counties

EU COUNTRIES WITH SMACKING BANS

Austria
Croatia
Cyprus
Denmark
Finland
Germany
Iceland
Latvia
Norway
Romania
Sweden (since 1978)
Ukraine

Finding Peace

2009-07-19T12:29:00.000-07:00

Finding Peace in Attachment Parenting.
I've often said the being an a Attachment parent would be a way of bringing about world peace because the children would be raised in such a kind, loving and empathetic way that world peace would come about naturally.
But finding inner peace in a wonderful bonus.I've often written about my anger, my depression and my doubt...but learning to trust myself and listen to my children has changed my points of view so many times...it hurts to challenge and look at your own values, your own faults....but coming out the other side is such a wonderful experience.

Teething?

2009-07-13T12:31:00.001-07:00

Are we Teething?

Its way too early!

Chewing

Milk but no

Oh man

Doubt

2009-07-08T21:41:00.000-07:00

Doubt I've written about this before posts

Right up until Hamish was born I would doubt myself that Ara was a highneeds child...that maybe it was just me.

For some reason we often fall to becoming tough with children when things are not going well...instead of relaxing and being kind...which if you think about it often gets you further faster in many other situations.

So I was doubting myself

I don't any longer.

My second child is so different...still very alert and needful of the breast but so relaxed.

So when something inside you says "its not right" listen and treat with love and kindness until you find a solution.

Bring it on

2009-07-07T23:15:00.000-07:00

I can handle it!

We've had the flu and it still lingers.

My leg has 6 stitches in it but just had the all clear from the Doc...so no cancer there now.

Hamish has a sore throat so needs comfort milk...all morning

Ara threw up at 6am ... iun bed

It rained on all my washing

0800 Grandma

and i can do it

He's asleep

2009-06-30T12:43:00.000-07:00

Again...all this little guy does ;-)

How is Creativity linked to learning to sleep?

2009-06-30T12:10:00.000-07:00

Creativity often comes from self confidence.

So how does creativity link with sleep?

Well for me it is learning from the beginning as a parent that each person is different and that they have their own style, taste and way of learning. Learning to sleep, walk, talk…..

We can use a book or bad advice to train our baby to sleep, keeping to ridged secludes "this is the way it’s done" kind of thing…or we can allow the personality of the child to develop on its own with us as parents there only to guide for safety.

Self confidence is one of the key things Attachment Parents aim to teach their children…from birth. A child cry's its need, it is answered and from there the parent and child begins to 'tune in' to each other and communication is developed. Communication self confidence and creativity…are all linked.

A child's need is filled which gives the right impression to the child that they are worthy of love, care and attention….thus growing self confidence to explore the world with love not anger, fear or worry.

I watch my own daughter who now has jumped fully into self directed play with lots of imagination. I who come from a "this is the way its done" era have to restrain myself from saying "no, not like that dear like this"….

Who says that houses have to have walls just so…who says that the train track must run around just like this?

My daughter will learn what is possible through trial and era and it’s through my own adultness of letting her do what she wants that she can truly call her own creativity her own.

Some of my posts I will probably re-visit as I am able to do more research.

Goodnights sleep

2009-06-28T17:22:00.000-07:00

As my blog is on child sleep its only right to blog about my own family and their sleep.

We have gone through the first month and a bit, learning each others ways (we still have a little to go yet).

We've had colic.

We have 'the cold'...of which I've got the cough which could come from an old smoker, oh its yuck!

We've been up and down with runny noses.

We've had a few scream ups as we learn needs and wants.

I've wanted to write a post on falling into the abyss and finding calm...but have not got to that.

My readers follow me might know I'm not the calmest person and often find myself becoming angry...but the last 2 weeks once I went over the edge one night...I had to leave Hamish with Dadda while I held Ara and cried....it was a good healing cry....I have since become calm, in love and very very happy.

Now for the good part....

I have to say well done team!

Last night was GREAT!

Thanks to Bevy....I've "double bagged" with Hamish's nappy... a composting disposable, a cloth nappy and a good old fashioned fluffy.

I've been reading Elizabeth Pantleys book again and have stopped feeding the sleeping baby (well he was never one to need much so far anyway...but we have teeth to go and many more colds I suppose).

I've taken Ara to the toilet before bed (and if forgotten just got up as soon as she wakes reassuring her that it is ok to wake in the night to go).

My family slept and it was wonderful to watch...me I tried not to cough (but it didn't bother them in the slightest when I did) and blew my nose quietly ;-)

But even me got some good sleep and I've got a smile on my face.

Love

Wow is this what its like

2009-06-25T16:07:00.001-07:00

Parenting a baby with no pressure...following your heart....trusting your own instinct.

I'm in tears with joy its just so lovely.

Hamish is springing through colic with me off the dairy, gluten and drinking some good teas with good herbs.

I've realised that I missed out on bonding with Ara like I am with Hamish (and it does make me sad, but I can't take back time). So I am spending as much time as I can holding and hugging.

I've had such big smiles....truly melts my heart.

I feel lucky that I am able to pick up both my children (with Hamish in a sling or Mei Tai). I had quite look from a strapping young man down the road carrying both my children.

My only problem at the moment is night time nappy/diaper...we leak everywhere and get so cold...we then have to change and poor Hamish is woken up.

We all also have the flu (just the common one I'm sure)...which keeps up the coughing and snoring.

Something else which has made me more aware of taking time with my children and loving live as it is...is the spot on my leg. I've lots of spots but knew this one was not good as it just appeared in summer... I couldn't do anything about it while pregnant but now its time to get it chopped off. The tests have come back with bad cells ...so on my birthday its in for some surgery...wish me luck ;-)

Colic newborn and Highneeds toddler

2009-06-16T22:02:00.000-07:00

Life has turned into one big juggling act where some times I drop a ball...hey I'm only human.

I've got my own Nana here at the moment and feeling a little on top of it all so I thought I would catch up with you all.

I have to say that things the second time are very different but the same in many ways.

Hamish is a very good sleeper when not in pain from colic.

I've been babywearing (goodness me what would I do with out a sling or Mei Tai...what life saver)

Ara has had her nose out of joint (you can only expect her to be a little confused at this new life she now has)

Ara now asked Hamish to be put into the sling so I can "come be with me" and "Oh he's hungry just feed him in the sling and come out and watch me".

I've found a natural medicine called "Calmnurse" which has just AMAZING calming all of us down and helping Hamish's colic. Ara has returned to my angel and I can use nice words talk nice rather than yell ;-) only human again.

I've dropped all dairy products (which a pone Dave returning to work I lapsed for one week...and paid big time for) I've also dropped all gluten as well. Hard work eating round here as I'm not used to it but feeling better.

Dave has been really great. Last time he did not like the idea that I gave the label colic to Ara...but this time he understands and has been so helpful.

I would also like to say a big thank you to Daves work for letting him come home. We are now a family again as Dave can work from home 4 days a week.

My parents have just been so amazing the house can look like a bomb site and I manage to get to sleep with both my two and wake up and its pretty cool.

Ok best go nappy change.

Love

Plunket leading our country

2009-06-08T16:33:00.000-07:00

While sitting feeding my new born in my arms I was randomly flicking through the "Well Child" Plunket book which every new parent receives….and came across this little bit of advice.

I read it out to my husband and we both thought the same thing. No wonder our countries new parents are so confused…they are getting bad advice…and when their breastfeed babies do not conform to "standard" well your Plunket nurse is there to help you learn how to "cry it out".

oh and their breastfeeding advice

out of date too....I had hoped we were moving forward Plunket...come on up with the play

Is our culture changing

2009-06-08T16:19:00.000-07:00

In talking to my midwife the other day I asked her if she had noticed any change in the way that people parent....and example "Are there more attachment parents".

She felt that she was hitting her head on a brick wall.

My Dad turned up the next day with this artical from the news paper.

My personal feelings are that while - yes there are heaps of terrible books out there and heaps of horrible advice from the past...we are of the information age and people do want to learn, grow and become better people.

Breastfeeding forgotten joys

2009-05-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

My eyes are a little crossed with being tried but life goes on and this has been on my mind.

The different styles of baby feeding is just so cute.

The bull dog

Push the nose hard up against the breast (bull dog look with wrinkles and big cheeks)

Eyes shut and frowning

Pull nipple in every angle...don't let go now

Growl right back behind the nose

Kick with the legs together into Mum's tummy

The singer

Place a hand on each side of the breast

Nipple in mouth lovingly

Really sing it now... hum in as many octaves as you can...little squeals go well too

Get your hips and bottom into the best wiggle you can

Praying

Eyes closed with clear face

Hands clasp together under the breast

Sometimes hum monk like

Thats is for now...just trying to keep mind and body together.

He's here

2009-05-21T16:16:00.001-07:00

Our wonderful midwife Kate and my wonderful husband Dave went through the night with me (Arrived...6:16 on Sunday morning) to bring our 9lb 11oz baby boy - Hamish - into this world.

All was as planned to the point we got home in time for lunch and a big sleep together.

Will bring you more as I'm able to type one handed again.

Still there

2009-05-13T15:05:00.000-07:00

The sun in shinning

The house is warm

Dave has taken Ara off to playcentre (even though its boring...my poor man seeing what the other side is like...am I happy about that, sad or angry? I don't know it is a part of my life that helps me get through the day and I do have feelings that my husband finds it boring)

We caught up with the midwife the other day

She is so full of wisdom

I cried...I'm a person who likes to know...I like to plan....you can't plan birth.

I think I've started to become more accepting of what will be will be.

My own worst enemy...my brain out thinking its self twisting it round and round into little knots.

Well sigh I think I best do some meditation to untwist

I know I’m being impatient

2009-05-10T23:36:00.000-07:00

Both Dave and I laugh saying we both want Next Bubba to come now! stamp the foot...then we laugh saying that in another month we'll probably be saying "put it back".

Ara has given up saying "I think next bubba will come today" but she still enjoys planning her houses (buildings), outings, paintings, gifts and so on as if next bubba is going to be here any minute.

I've tried the really hot curry...oh yes Dave is just the king of making hot curry...but no.

I've tried the beach walk

I've tried just sitting and thinking

I've tried a bath

I've done all the house work again

I've tried dancing

I've tried being alone

I've tried being with friends

I've been sewing

Lighting Candles

Sex

Acupressure

Chocolate

Baking

Bumpy car rides

I've even tried telling it that it can't come today cause my midwife is busy

I've tried saying you have to come because Dadda has to work soon

SIGH

They will come when they are ready

I have HEAPS of blog posts staking up in my head...oh well one day

5am and all is well

2009-05-01T23:37:00.000-07:00

All was well but I couldn't sleep.

Some would say getting in gear for the arrival of a new baby. I would say my back hurt and I'm sick of laying on my left side and feeling like I've been sitting on a concrete bench for about 2 weeks.

So I left my husband to sleep without me wriggling and kicking, my daughter quickly took over possession of my pillow and the cat found the middle of the bed between them both.

I came down and dreamed that I could do some blogging but really I don't want to start a post cause I get too wrapped up in it and it takes such a long time to research that I don't want to get all hyped up and then need to leave it...for how long?

* I've been looking at Birth a lot and the affects long term on our mental health which leads to sleep problems in children and adults.

* I've been looking at confidence building and the mental health of this for life and how our parenting can enhance this.

* I've been looking at siblings and how we as parents work out issues (wow this is going to be a big writing point soon ;-)).

* I've watched the Birth as we know it DVD - my homework from my midwife....crazy Russians but interesting stuff.

But...no we'll keep the posts for a little while (maybe) short and sweet...so I went and got in the spare bed and lay and listened to the rain...I fell fast asleep until I thought I heard Ara call out to me...but it was all in my dreams...or maybe it's Next Bubba?

Once a parent always a parent

2009-04-29T19:26:00.000-07:00

I'm so lucky! I know this. My parents are always there for me...and at the moment it really shows. With Dave away on work through the week my parents have been spending the night here in my "last" week (we have one Grandparent each night).

I was talking with Dad (after our Father daughter movie night...yes they still go even when your older)...it does not matter how old your children are that instinct still kicks in.

I talked about Attachment Parenting and smiled on his comments.

When I was a baby my parents were 'different' I suppose you'd call them early Attachment Parents...Dad said that "we did the parenting to sleep, co-sleeping, the baby wearing (I spent a lot of time in the backpack due to living on a farm)...and the long breastfeeding...but there is more?"

I talked about the Sears 7 B's and AP international and he looked thoughtful...I said don't worry when Ara gets to the age of having children she'll be telling me that there are 20 different B's or what ever.

I did have a moment of sadness thinking about the people I know who have said that once their child is 18/20 (pick your age) that's it they are out...and I was thinking of all the things you'd miss...all the things your teaching your children now are coming into reality...all your hard work is paying off and you get to see it - or don't if you choose not too.

For me I get excited when Ara talks about building a house, having a job, going on holiday, owning a pet...I know she'll do her own thing and she may not even choose to be close (as in where in the world to live) to me but I know the bond I have is strong and I'll always be there for her...and I am so excited to see what she's going to do.

Sleeping child and sleeping cat

2009-04-29T19:15:00.001-07:00

I don't have a bed as such for Next Bubba...we never did for Ara...but I thought I would just put a nice little one together just in case NB was the kind of baby that did like to sleep in the middle of everything but not on me. Not sure how I feel about it but hey we'll just have to see what they are like when they get here.

SO who should I find sleeping in the box? Sigh...maybe the box is too small...maybe its not a good idea.

I've always been a little weary of our cat. Everyone I've talked to has said it is dangerous to let an animal sleep with your child. We have co-slept with Ara and often this has the cat on our feet as well.

I suppose every animal is different. Our cat does not like Ara crying and will run to see what the problem is and then hang around underfoot until I get a little annoyed. He's always liked to sleep beside her at nap times and never moves but I always check to make sure and have the monitor on as well.

I suppose we'll just have to see how things go.

Fetal Scalp Monitor

2009-04-26T18:17:00.000-07:00

This is not something I normally write about, this is Corins (The Human Pacifier) area more than mine but in looking neither of us can find the post she had or linked to on this subject.

I also am interested more and more in the psychological side of human development not only in the areas of sleep methods but other things like birth which affect our lives as well.

Why am I interested in Fetal Scalp Monitoring?
A few weeks ago we visited the "High Risk" pregnancy department in the hospital to talk over our up and coming birth with a specialist. I have to say we were very anxious and really worried about going, as our last experience (not at this place) left me in tears, full of fear anger and confusion...But this time was totally different.

We had a wonderful talk and felt completely at ease when it came time to leave.

In modern birth situations the monitoring of babies and Mothers seems to be very very important. The use of 'tools' to help with birth seem to of over shadowed the actual Mother 'giving birth'.

Due to my Von Willerbrands (The various types of vWD present with varying degrees of bleeding tendency, usually in the form of easy bruising, nosebleeds and bleeding gums. Women may experience heavy menstrual periods and blood loss during childbirth.) everyone in the medical profession seems to get a little twitchy...but this lovely specialist reassured what we've always felt and known that there is no real problem.

But as it is unknown if the baby has Von Villerbrands no forceps or Ventouse should be used...But a Fetal Scalp Monitor is fine - so the specialist says...and not just her.

David (my husband) nodded and felt all is ok with the last recommendation as he had no idea really what it was.

Here are some links that Corin sent me

An artical

A diagram

A photo of end product ie babys sore head

I have also talked to my midwife about this...which she quickly turned her nose up at and described - as you can see in the diagram - a little screw which gets screwed down into the baby's head. I think in different countries they have different methods - NZ is the screw...but in any way the baby's skin is broken.

I filled Dave in and fetal scalp monitor is out.

Hurting a baby before its even born...and not to mention putting a baby at risk. I'm sure its all justifiable but not in my mind.

My question is "What must the baby be thinking and feeling"

What have my lovely's left me

2009-04-25T21:04:00.000-07:00

I don't often blog about such personal things...but some times well ya just got to.

Both my loves have gone to work in the garden and I'm to do my half of the cooking now "Summer Harvest Pie" yum.

Hey I have a VERY BIG kitchen...and now a very big mess together with banana half eaten, and fejoa skins as well as other little pockets of delight.

I've been wondering what it will be like in another week or so at they are on their own...I am going to take my time with Next Bubba and fully intent to step out of my "house role"...as long as I don't get food poisoning....hahaha I'm sure it will not get that bad.

Why do we have children?

2009-04-16T04:11:00.000-07:00

I've just been over at Spain Dad's blog reading a few posts on their adoption trials in Spain.

And he made a good point

My reply

"You have such a good point...why did/do we have our own children? Why did I have Ara my daughter? You've really made me think. Off the top of my head...it would be love. To love and care, to share, to watch grow and teach my beliefs, morals and ideas of living. But most of all love and know that once I'm gone my love will keep on going, for my children will keep that love and pass it on.

I know this is my view on why I want children and there is probably a lot more in there than what I've just written above...but why do we have children?...its such a complex question...and would we have them again knowing what we know?....would we learn more before we became parents? could we learn more or do we need our children to teach us and show us the way?

My posting as I am kept awake by heaps of practice surges aka braxton hicks...and I want Dave to be asleep before I get to bed and start snoring.

Just looking at photos

2009-04-15T04:38:00.000-07:00

I just got a fright...I looked at the above photo (the black and white) of Dave holding Ara

She's only two days old in that photo

WOW

Is that it for sleep tonight?

2009-04-15T03:56:00.000-07:00

Ara wanted to go to sleep at about 6:30 tonight...and I didn't have enough energy to try and stretch her out...we are still getting used to day light savings changes.

I was out like a light in about 10mins.

Now I've woken up feeling like puke...heartburn? or just throw up?

Bub is doing a little jiggle.

We've got a few weeks to go yet but things are looking really good. I had a check up with the midwife today and Bub's head is really down...which means finally I get to eat a meal....(is that all I can think about?)

I feel like I've been sitting on a wooden bench all day...ouch.

I'm getting twitchy about Dave being so far away and just really wish I could touch him for reassurance.

I had the question today of "how is bubba going to get out?"

So keeping to the truth I told Ara as best as I could.

"Will Kate (aka midwife) put you in the bath?" she's watched a water birth with me.

I told her I'd probably be tired once the baby had arrived. She wanted to get some toys for the baby to play with...I think she thought that she would be on her own looking after this new baby and I'd skiv off for a sleep..."Don't worry Mumma I'll help you look after bubba" I've reassured her that she will not be alone.

This has made me feel a lot better than the last few weeks of Ara not really all that keen.

We've got a few more things to do

* I'm booked in for a scan on Monday...this will be our first one ever...little scary but just need to check where things are in relation to the c-section scar.

* Dave will pick up some DDAVP (Desmopressin can be used to promote the release of von Willebrand factor and factor VIII in patients with coagulation disorders such as type I von Willebrand disease) tomorrow from the hospital...not that I think we will need it at all.

* And a hair cut ;-)

Well I've got heaps more I want to blog about (I write posts in my head at night when I can't sleep)but we'll just see how we go eh?

Goodnight all

love

Noises of the Night

2009-04-11T15:28:00.000-07:00

I awoke with a bit of a jump the other night to find the cat trying to put his paw in my mouth...to say the least I was not very impressed...but he was not the first one to wake me up.

I've been snoring...sigh...badly!

In the later stages of being pregnant I've started to snore. I'm very embarrassed about it.

Dave has been tapping me awake through the night...but lately he's been moving out to the spare room.

Even Ara has been giving me a bit of a kick and she normally sleeps through anything.

But having both Dave and the cat move out on me has really made me sad.

Oh well not long now.

But there are some other noises of the night.

Both my loves sleep laugh in the night which is lovely to listen too.

The not so lovely is the next doors dogs barking all night over some possum.

The neighbourhood cats coming in the cat door (which I can hear from my bed) to steal our cats food.

Our cat dreaming that he's chasing the cats...but he's not

I've been waking up often through the night but still seem to manage a good day the next.

I've not been able to get near the computer much as you can see...so when I wake up I dream of writing my blog.

One day I'll get there.

love

Drugs in labor - Excerpt

2009-03-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

As we are getting closer and closer to our time I am trying to concentrate on my family even more…apart from the fact that Ara has become very interested in the computer…and its also time taking and rude ("Mumma its just rude"…oh yes getting put in my place) most of the time…sigh.

This is from Suzann Arms book "Immaculate Deception"

"... Regarding other drugs-including fertility drugs and drugs to stop premature labor and force fetal growth-we will continue to use these drugs widely until we begin to examine their long-term effects on babies. Most people do not even believe that what happens to a fetus in the womb or a baby at the time of birth matters very much. We are still focused on very general measurements of physical health. We aren't looking at the subtler, but equally important, aspects of life, such as patterns of behavior, especially under stress, that may be initiated in the pre- and perinatal period and may last for years, or for an entire lifetime. We have, as a culture, only begun to acknowledge the importance of psychological and spiritual development. The field of prenatal and perinatal psychology, which is only a few decades old and has not yet earned the respect of most health workers or scientists, has something to teach all of us. The dangerous and lasting effects of drugs on mothers and babies are just the tip of the iceberg; what makes the issue of drugs so central is the fact that they alter the normal environment of childbearing and affect the relationship between a child and its mother in so many different ways…."

I often think of our first birth with Ara. Much more has come to light since visiting my new midwife as well as a very clued up 'human' doctor 'ob.' ie one who listens, one who talks.

I wonder many times what the long term affects have been…even on myself as I talk to my Father as he recounts my birth.

Have the affects on some people/infants of drugs caused sleeplessness in babies? Irritability? Insecurity?

Many of you might think I'm trying to find a fight, something to worry about or become negative about…I'm happy to say that days like that for me are almost over with all my learning and understanding as well as meditation. I'm just trying to find the answers….I love answers…I feel we need to talk about such things other wise we don't move on…make changes…become better.

Jealousy

2009-03-19T22:41:00.000-07:00

I think things have really started to build up in Ara's life…so many changes.

Mumma and Dadda have been off to Baby classes (aka Hypnobirthing) and she's had to been with Nanma and Granddad for long hours (not what she is used to at all)

Mumma has to go see the midwife which of course the visits have now stepped up to every two weeks…a 35min drive and then having to sit still and not bother Mumma too much.

Mumma's tired (but heaps better now since the weather has cooled down)

Dadda is away on work all the time….no night snuggles :-(

Mumma's a grumpy bear too often.

Mumma's getting so fat and can hardly move around

Eating the wrong foods (possibly too much wheat) as there seems to be a growth spurt happening and the possibly wheat is making tummy sore…but just so hungry.

Many story books given to us are about Next Bubba…and all the things the New baby will be doing.

Separation anxiety has stepped up and the previous happy times of walking to the end of the property and back alone is just not happy any more…need to see Mumma at all times.

Night time sleeping while still wonderful…more often than not needing to end up in the family bed touching Mumma.

AND the biggest thing of all…the poor cat.

"I don't want him on the climbing frame" a safe place for Griffin to sleep for the past 6 months is now no longer…he's been pushed off many times….and on the weekend we had a tantrum over us not getting him off.

"I don't want Griffin on my bed" previously this was something that Ara would love to have Griffin on her feet and she would often sleep all night in her bed because Griff was there.

Ara is now nearly big enough to pick up the Cat…grabbing large hunks of fur…and drag him round all over the place…I'm so glad that Griffin does not seem to mind too much.

I caught Ara "washing the cat"…poor little guy just sat there his head down on the ground flat with his ears flat and his tail lashing…Ara was holding him down.

And now "Make Griffin sleep in the garage"

Oh dear

But we have had some lovely things too

Ara has two wonderful teddy bears she loves and two toy meerkat which she loves too "Bubba can have this teddy and this Maxine (meerkat)"

"Mumma has two angels…one for each arm…next Bubba and me"

"I'll have this arm and next bubba can have that one…oh where does Dadda go?" I told her that Dadda had big enough arms to go right round all three of us.

So everyone do you have any tips to pass on on jealousy?

Should probably have a few things sorted before I really need to.

Parenting pair pressure and influence from others

2009-03-15T21:32:00.000-07:00

Being a parent is a challenging job as it is....not only do you have to juggle your family but you do have to live in your community and socialise with your friends as well.
Being an Attachment parent is often empowering but also challenging at times as well as its often different from the norm.

I often find my self in a difficult situation while in our play group (or some other child social event) and there is a situation between mother and her child which I would handle totally different. I can see my daughters distress watching what ever is happening and all I can really do is pick her up and hold her or remove her from the scene and explain what was happening.

But this parenting rubs off...yes it goes both ways but I've been catching myself often over the past few months doing things and saying things which are really not cool and I feel very damaging to my daughters education.
So I've been pulling myself back re-reading through books that I've read before and updating myself for my child's current age.

As an example:
Sleep in the evenings...I've been thinking of all the shoulds and how frustrating it is to have a child (not just a child who doesn't sleep when I want but a child...horrible Mother).
So as I sit outside the bedroom door in my rocking chair doing my crochet (yes you can laugh) I picked up the "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers".
Talk about reassurance boost and to see I'm totally normal and my daughter is totally normal.
Since being pregnant and very morning sick I've been going to bed before Ara is ready...so she's just been laying beside me playing with her books and toys until she's ready to go to sleep...me I'm already in la la land.
So she's got used to me being there.
So we've had to start again on my Elizabeth Pantley suggested sleep plan of slowly removing myself from the room as now I don't need the sleep anymore in the early evening.
We do have two issues at the moment which this book is help me realise and calm any influences my pairs have over my attitude.
1) Ara is going through strong separation anxiety (Dave is not at home most of the time and I'm pregnant)
2) Night time toilet training (nearly got this knocked....yahoo she's so wonderful)

We don't have to agree with everything that our books say word for word but it is often a reality check sometimes to see how others are affecting you in your interactions with your children. Its a good pull up...a good up date and a good calm down....reading blogs of people that you feel in line with too can often make you feel better and change your mood and attitude.

It takes work to be a parent and just like every job that we do some times we need to get out on that course to update...go to that conference....or as in parenting hang with like minded people. Its on going.

Word problems

2009-03-15T21:19:00.000-07:00

"Mummy Dadda's put the fetus back"
"eh????" have we been watching to many birth video's...what an earth is my child talking about? A million different things rushed through my head but really there was only one way to sort this out.
"Fetus darling?....can you explain to Mumma?"
"The fetus" Ara points up to the speakers which has just been replaced from a party we had out in the courtyard.
"Oh I see....yes you are right" I smile to myself and wipe all strange images out of my head.

Later
"I'll get some foons out for us to eat our breakfast with"

Later
"Mum there is a fider on the floor...is it a white tail?"

So imagine my confusion when we are walking through the garden
"Mum mum I want to check the tig tree to see if there is any for me"
So I don't get it we can say fetus, foons and fider...but not figs....I put this to Dave on the weekend when he was home.

"Ara say spigs"
"Figs"

SIDS and Safe T Sleep cruelty out of love?

2009-03-06T21:32:00.000-08:00

In writing this post I need you to visit the Safe T Sleep web site to see the photos for readers who do not know what this product is.
Often in other posts I have liked the correlation that Keith Sawyer (page 16 of PDF for photo) likened wrapping to the strapping down of patients be it hospital or institute.
Both web sites really need to be seen for the photos before you can understand what my view points are.

So the scoop is that SIDS NZ and Safe T Sleep® Partnership Announced

I have three issues with this 'scoop'
1. SIDS NZ aligning themselves with marketing buying a product and the idea that something needs to be brought to keep children safe rather than parenting.
2. If we follow SIDS guidelines from round the world and sleep with our babies with in arms reach i.e. a co-sleeper cot, the basinet…for goodness sake a banana box….the SIDS rates drop dramatically. Look at other co-sleeping countries like Sweden, Japan, Hong Kong.
3. With this product I can see children being strapped down crying no matter what age…a tool to hold a child down.

My question is how often when it comes to our children do we do something out of love when in fact if we really look at the situation is quite cruel.
Yes this product might keep a child safe on its back and might ease a parents mind but what are we really allowing our selves by using this product, to do to our children?

Young infants are often wrapped as we believe that they like the tight sensation. Often as parents who are frustrated with their children not keeping still, they will use this wrap as a way to keep their children in one place. I have written about wrapping before in this post wrapping baby to sleep

So is this Safe t sleep just another way to keep our children in place?

My personal thought is 'wow even worse crying my self to sleep and not being able to move…new born to the ripe old age of 3'….3 years old now that is cruel...what about toileting, what about needing to lay in a different position, what about bed sores....and I'm sure there are many other mental problems on top of the physical gained by using this 'product'.

Blocks today

2009-03-03T21:52:00.001-08:00

I been trying to encourage Ara to do some building with all the blocks we have. The ones here are my old blocks which Dad made from the left overs of beams from our old house.

Ara has been building a garden to keep out the turkeys and she has a very small little toy rabbit she has been calling Miss Peter Rabbit.

I've been wondering if we're going to get the Chicken pox as many of Ara's little mates have come down with it.

Oh well I suppose it has to happen some time...and I am getting a little more energy back now that the temperature has dropped....I think we've got another week or so before we might get spots...or none at all...just a case of wait and see.

Little kick has been doing well getting me up about 1-3 most nights/mornings. I'm feeling happier now that we've done our Hypnobirthing course...we've still got a lot of work to do...but plan's are in place now that I'm happy with.

Tizzie Hall for the money or the love

2009-03-01T17:23:00.000-08:00

I've written this post in reply to a comment on my post Tizzie Hall book review.
In a small smile once I'd finished and thought about my title I wondered about the secure attachment to stuff and how Tizzie has a market for stuff as her book teaches us to replace our love, care and attunement to our children with stuff…to toughen our hearts and use methods of child care based from back in the early 1900's to the 40's and 50's.

Dear Anonymous,

If you wrote a book to help new parents in learning how children function, how to work with children, how to understand children, how to help children learn to sleep, what would be your motive?
Would you be writing for monetary gain?
Would you be writing from the excitement of your findings in this area?
Would you be writing because you feel a sadness or a loss from your own experiences in dealing with your own children (possibly from a book or information that was advised to you)?
What gap do you feel in writing your book do you feel you are going to fill?
What would you put in your book and how would you back up what you are saying?

For me I've no interest in monetary gain…I blog for free sharing my findings.
I write because I feel a great sadness and loss from the time that I tried to use Tizzie Halls 'advice' and I do not want others to suffer as I did.
I wrote this book review for a parent like myself. I was new to parenting and was lead to believe by people not unlike Tizzie that children are supposed to sleep through the night…no matter their age and it was mostly my fault that my child was not sleeping.
I wrote for a parent like myself who also looked (I was new to the net back then) before buying a book at what other people had to say. I've written this review to balance and also encourage new parents to keep looking and if it is not working then stop. There are reviews on this book which do not highlight things which some people might find very important like breastfeeding, and I feel that it needs to be said.

Anonymous I would hope that if you were going to write a book that you would back up your 'advice' with references to studies, research material within the area that you are writing about. Good books will often have reference tables and note attachments throughout the book linking to the information stated.
This is what I do through my blog…and I also link to other web sites (many of them) so that people can follow these links and make up their own minds.

I have written this review to emphasize the points that Tizzie does miss out. I would invite your to again read information from my blog as below
Some point if you need help which are not found in this book

* SIDS research specialists recommend co-sleep (by this term co-sleep I mean sleeping with-in arms reach not in the parents bed) and this could be up to the age of 6-12 months or even more for some children (see the sleep lab see link above site on Dr J McKenna for the studies.)

* Breastfeeding on cue, they say this has also been known to lower the risks of SIDS (Breastfeeding on cue has not been suggested in Save Our Sleep which has feeding schedules to follow) Breastfeeding on Cue will allow you to "have ample milk" as World Health guidelines WHO suggest (Following Tizzie’s schedules puts the mother at risk of low milk production or no production due to lack of stimulation. This lack of milk I had personal experience with)

Anonymous you feel that Tizzie's information on infant sleeping is safe even though she does not follow health guidelines. I have copied and pasted from a few SIDS web sites and left the links for you to follow. The U.K. video is very good.

"... Keep your baby’s crib in the parents’ room until the infant is at least 6 months of age. Studies clearly show that infants are safest when their beds are close to their mothers…." Pasted from <http://www.sids.org/nprevent.htm> American SIDS institute

"...The safest place for your baby to sleep is in a crib or cot in a room with you for the first six months…."
Pasted from <http://www.fsid.org.uk/babycare.html>
http://www.fsid.org.uk/safe-sleep-video.html to see the video

http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/docu.html to see a documentary which is looking at NZ and OZ
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/articles/McKenna_why%20babies%20should%20n.pdf
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/ to visit the web site on Dr J McKenna

Anonymous you may like to call the WHO bizarre but who do you think our health providers follow? WHO is not trying to sell you baby food or formula, they are trying to help us be healthy in mind and body. "...is the attainment by all peoples of the highest possible level of health…."

Through Tizzies book there are a lot of the words "I believe" "I have never seen" "I recommend" all these words are taken from pg 111. (there are many more statements like this through the book which we parents just seem to take blindly…I know I did)
Tizzie might of dealt with a few different children (compared to the many her books may touch) but she is handing out 'advice' in her book which can influence many people and make them feel confused and unsure and not even compatible to every child.
Her information is just her point of view its not referenced or even supported by studies. Her information is not from a Nutritionist, professional medical person or any trained person who deals with food and health requirements for infants and children.
The scary thing for me is her information can make infants and children very unwell (parents need support the need information and because of good marketing….Tizzie is no idiot her book is getting out there… but this it does not mean that it is good information or even safe).

And as I said in the above I tried to follow the schedule for breastfeeding and like many of others around me…it just doesn't work…for some/many you run out of milk and end up using formula.

Yes WHO is revising their information all the time and the issue of allergies we will probably see that they are strengthening their stance as its becoming more and more of an issue and it has been proven the longer we breastfeed the better chance our children have against allergies.

They are also adjusting their optimal weight and height chats to that of breastfeed children rather than the old charts of bottle fed as breastfeeding is the best food for a growing child.
Breastfeeding for 1 year has changed to 2 years in our country to be in line with WHO suggestions.

I would like to direct you to another post that I've written on breastfeeding and weaning
http://parentingbabytosleep.blogspot.com/2008/12/when-do-i-wean-from-breastfeeding.html
In particular this PDF here which I encourage you to really read and think about…its an insight.
http://babyreference.com/NaturalWeaningAgeFORWEBSITE.pdf

Theses are only some points which dear Anonymous you have picked up - breastfeeding and co-sleeping - which I talk about through out my blog.
My main issues with Tizzie and others who encourage "cry it out" or "controlled crying" are the on going psychological issues, the mental developments (or non developments) caused by using these methods….and my blog is full of it.

Anonymous I understand where you are coming from and that you feel you need to protect your methods. I too furiously protected myself when using Tizzie Hall after all it was my child and I would do nothing to hurt my child - knowingly….(this is one of my points we more often than not are so unknowing in the welfare of our children's body and brain developments)

We are adults with developed, connected and wired brains (as in an infants is not when born and also see The Human Body BBC DOC) ….our children are unable to do anything but follow our whims and ideas, be them well studied or Chinese whispers.

The last comment of from anonymous was " It does work if you stick to it" how long would you suggest?
I went from 30th September to 10th November (I just looked at my Tizzie diary that she suggested I keep to note my progress).
The things that I can note are no weight gain in my child (to the point that my nurse was worried) as my child was not getting enough milk, rejecting food, no attachment (would not look at me or smile), fearful of myself and being alone, fearful of her room and cot and the biggest thing of all no one had any sleep lest of all myself, husband or baby.
I was tough, I hardened my heart and I followed the book to the letter....and I was a total wreck emotionally and psychically.

I wrote these posts about my Tizzie experience.
I did listen to some odd advice once
Why did I start this blog

A pone finding the Sears and getting their sleep book - which has references in it which was the beginning of my blogging ;-) following reference to reference - my life changed. We put in place some sleep suggestions from these books and I took stock of what a tiny little child I had in my care. A child who's brain is and will be the most important asset of her life…and I as a parent intent to learn all I can about it.

What affect does a role model have on a developing child

2009-02-23T00:24:00.000-08:00

I would like to direct you to a few other posts that I feel link to this post.
What affect does war and violence... This post is about the ability to parent - before we can become a parent we must have been a child. Our parents are our models to learn from and follow of knowing what is wrong and right, how to respect each other and how to treat each other.
Affects of emotional trauma sustained from being apart of war or a violence situation (as an example; being part of the current Australian fires) that has not been carefully counseled and healed can lead to an inability to feel or express emotions properly. Some might question "so what" if we don’t feel emotions properly. What are the affects?

Emotional symptoms of trauma:
· Shock, denial, or disbelief
· Anger, irritability, mood swings
· Guilt, shame, self-blame
· Feeling sad or hopeless
· Confusion, difficulty concentrating
· Anxiety and fear
· Withdrawing from others
· Feeling disconnected or numb

These symptoms can then become the following - especially when living, dealing with your own children and being a good role model for them to follow.

· Having trouble functioning at home or work
· Suffering from severe fear, anxiety, or depression
· Unable to form close, satisfying relationships
· Experiencing terrifying memories, nightmares, or flashbacks
· Avoiding more and more things that remind you of the trauma
· Emotionally numb and disconnected from others
· Using alcohol or drugs to feel better

Many who exhibit this 'problems' may not even know that they have them as they have lived with them all their lives and for them its just 'normal'. As an example being Emotionally numb and disconnected from others could come from seeing violence to being neglected as a child. When a child who can not flee a situation has no choice but to shut down, this has been documented many times in cases of cry it out…see shut down link here….which I have taken the following quote

"Babies who are "trained" not to express their needs may appear to be docile, compliant, or "good" babies. Yet these babies could be depressed babies who are shutting down the expression of their needs, and they may become children who don't ever speak up to get their needs met and eventually become the highest-need adults…."

These are not short term issues if there has been no psychological help to sort them out, they are life long and can cause other health issues to happen as well….see posts and links on Emotional Disturbance, Cry it out recovery, Unsustainable parenting, and Independence.
People who have been suffering from trauma may often have no qualms about letting their children 'cry-it-out' as it is what was done to them or there is just no emotional connection as they try to separate themselves off from their children's fears and needs.
It’s sad that there has become a whole marketing psychology of sleep training books - using methods like cry it out and other forms of child care - which is based on emotional trauma and how the human brain reacts to cry it out or controlled crying theories.

So what about a child as a role model?
Some of you might think that is not possible or be saying oh don't be silly.
So what do you think happens in Daycare?

I have heard some strange things said to me over the time of being a parent in support of using Daycare. "Oh she doesn't talk yet…oh well my grandson does but that’s because he goes to daycare", "Oh she kicks and screams every day I take her but the teachers assure me that she does calm down and likes it"
Again I would like to use the quote from "Immaculate Deception II" by Suzanne Arms
"...Today, when the needs of babies come in conflict with the needs and desires of their parents, people say "babies are flexible," and "babies learn best when they are in day care." Babies are expected to yield, or at least meet their parents halfway. Our culture supports all of this by making it difficult for women and men to stay at home when their babies are young, and by making it virtually impossible for any parent-male or female-to bring a baby to the workplace. Who suffers from all of this? We do - so do our children and so does society…."

The research out there on the dangers of daycare is... well just huge.
For me looking at children who are in daycare their role models are each other, as the caregivers (as one daycare worker said herself) are there just as damage control. I'm sure there are many daycares which are well staffed and really do care for the children…my issue is there are more out there that are not.
The thing about the research on daycares it really highlights the main problems of creating a secure attachment in young children and how it’s just not done in that environment.

Many people feel that it’s best for children to fight it out so as to develop skills for later on in life. While working with my own child in Playcentre and reading many developmental books and research this type of behavior of 'fight it out' should not been encouraged. I don't mean that we should step in every time there is a little tiff, but children need adult guidance on appropriate behavior.
Sharing for example will not come unless guided and once it has been introduced children accept it naturally. Sharing can be learnt in the family doing jobs or playing, this can be then taken to the larger world.
Being polite comes from having someone being polite to you, it doesn't just happen.
Showing respect will come from having respect given.

This sharing, caring, politeness does not come easy for a child that is learning the ways of the world but if learning/mirroring from an adult who has an invested interest in that child's life these lessons are learnt more easily.

Children love to copy so if there is a child around they will copy which is fine as this is how they learn…but this is also how they learn unacceptable behavior if left unguided by an adult.
I suppose the key here is seeing what is unacceptable behavior and weather we as parents are going to correct that or encourage it by letting it go.

Bullying is one of the big ones that many parents let go as they want to see their child stick up for themselves and often if the parent/caregiver is viewing the bullying they will not step in. The bully then learns that it’s ok to bully and the child who is getting bullied learns that its all right to be bullied.
That’s why in daycare so much slips by as many places are understaffed and the people there have different interests, morals and ideals.
One child can bully and unless corrected to appropriate behavior will teach others.
An adult can bully and unless corrected this too can also teach.
A child is watching.

10 loads of washing and an angel

2009-02-23T00:01:00.000-08:00

There are days that I feel like bashing my head up against a brick wall with my highneeds, spirited child. The intense need, the constant interaction and the full on energy....but today was not one of them.

We have the heat, we have the pregnant brain and body, we have the husband home and gone but leaving washing, we have beach visits with extra towels, we have extra changes of clothes because of special visits to peoples, we have the wonderful friends which lightened my days with smiles....I have the house that's gone to the dogs and needs help.

My washing machine was running from the moment we got up till the moment I started sorting out dinner onto plates. And my daughter kept me at it. As soon as I started dragging my heals she would be up and asking me 'has it finished? can I open it? I'll fill your basket and I'll have one too.'

She held one side of the basket as we trooped out side she then held up pegs and clothes as I hung them out...she got board and started to hang things out by herself as I was not moving fast enough. As the washing went out and dried so fast she was pulling it back in...putting it into piles and then putting them in front of me to fold. I have even managed to put most of it away.

How did I get to this wonderful child?...and I'm a grumpy moo to boot and told her to go to bed by herself...how ungrateful can I get. (I felt bad so I went and read a book while rocking in my chair beside the bed).
I think now I best go and have a snuggle

Apologies to all

2009-02-19T19:24:00.000-08:00

At the moment I don't know if I'm Martha or Archer
The heat has really begun to hammer me as well as Ara's sometimes night waking….A big thank you to Phdinparenting for helping us out in this area as I'm not even able to do any beloved reading.
I will be writing about our little episode on this soon I'm sure but for now.
I can't even get words out without forgetting halfway through.
I've got so many posts half finished…and keep thinking of more every day.
I've got a veggie garden which is still needing great attention and my house as slipped to an all time low.

So with some hope we'll get some cool and I'll get some rest…maybe ;-)

Parenting Baby to Sleep

Sleepless parents it is ok to go to bed!

Information in line with parenting baby to sleep

History

History and treatment of children

Sandra Dodd -sleep and child care

Sleeping children

Falling into Zen

My Home School Blog

Natural sleep lost in todays sleep training

The Hero of my hour

Milk him off to sleep Mum

Why be Attachment Parents?

Hamish walking in the rain

Please send rain!

Moonwalking on walls

Desperatly trying Co-sleeping in the hope of sleep

The Body Never Lies - By Alice Miller

Sorting out the past

Fighting the cough

Taking your time with your children

Children the ultimate in mediation

Baby hammock How do I get him in?

Ergo Baby Carrier

Nightmares for Mum

Trying out "Sleep Talking"

Listen and you will hear

Life is so precious

False Empathy - kids can see through it

Helping children off to sleep

Baby led weaning - yer right!

Education or over stimulation

The loss of an Attachment Grandparent

We need our men

Feeling the fear of sleep

Infant Nutrition

A question...I've never looked at a formula tin...does it have this on it?

Mandatory Statement

HayFever raws again

Why no schedule's for feeding

Nothing like Anonymous comment's to keep you on your toes

How do we revert to coercion with our children?

Evolving Parenting Styles

Turning over new parenting leaves

To hell and back

Fire Works

Waking me up...is NOT good

Put that baby down

5 months

I get so peeved

Wanting it now

Can you accept your child saying NO

So much effects babies and their sleep

What parenting style?

The Evolutionof Childrearing ModesLloyd deMause

An Ergo?

trying to do too much

Wrapping or Swaddle for Baby sleep

I'm not a good mother...not perfect

Breast feeding myths part 1

What am i doing?

Baby will not sleep without parent

Meatless meatloaf and children cooking

The two parent game

Tinnitus and child sleep problems

Two children and learning more

Mei Tai, sleep and breastfeeding argh!!!!

Quote from Buddha

Smacking is good discipline?

Finding Peace

Teething?

Doubt

Bring it on

He's asleep

How is Creativity linked to learning to sleep?

Goodnights sleep

Wow is this what its like

Colic newborn and Highneeds toddler

Plunket leading our country

Is our culture changing

The Evolution
of Childrearing Modes
Lloyd deMause